zenövogy ~ my wackiest reasonings

2006-08-28T23:47:00.000+08:00

I Am RV-istic (Special Extended Version)

I am RV-istic cos...

~ I can recite the Singapore Pledge in chinese

~ I can chain the key to its ring in super fast time cos I put on 6 buttons on the RV uniform twice every week for FOUR years.

~ I had been to every malls in the West. So much so I had also been to the malls in the North and South. As for the East, well, it's too... far.

~ I don't mind drinking Newater. While others run around a running track or along a road, I ran along the circumference of a reservoir. Pandan Reservoir. I have witnessed too many 2.4km runners (RV-ians) emptying their breakfasts/lunch into our water source than to bother about drinking water made from urine. Not to mention the yearly count of bodies found adrift on the shores of PR.

~ I'm good at running short distance (ok, used to), cos got stupid people like me who likes to walk to the earlier bus stop, sees the bus in the distance and runs back to the bus stop outside the school.

~ I decide the route to go home 3 hours before school ends. There's 176 right outside the main gate that takes me to BM bus interchange, 30 that goes to then World Trade Centre. There are the buses opposite the school gate that goes to JE where I can choose to take bus or train back home, goes to Boon Lay or Bukit Batok/Gombak. There's 143 at the back gate where I can also take to WTC, there's 197 at the AYE, where I can buy a packet of tidbit and enjoy a peaceful walk to the bus stop by myself. Sometimes, choosing to take any of the buses is like filling in the 4D ticket, cos I never know whom I will meet at the bus stop to accompany me on the trip home. Choosing the route home also boils down to whether I want to eat Mac's at BM, Swensen's at WTC, KFC at Queenstown, Long John Silver's at JEC or watch movies at JP/Lot 1/WM/CP after school that day.

~ I have the ability to find my way home despite being lost. Due to the myriad of buses that passes by the school, my friends and I always find ourselves loading onto one of the buses to unknown places. Once, we took a bus to Pioneer Sector (then was so foreign to me) in the pouring rain and ended up in Boon Lay. Once, we took a bus towards JE, decided to change route, crossed the JTH road and waited at the now Creative HQ bus stop for 197 to take us to city. We took 51 and ended up in Little India. I took a wrong bus and ended up at Tang Dynasty; I'd miss a stop and end up walking up AYE from Tanjong Pagar Train Station.

~ I get excited each time my bus passes under the Pandan Flyover towards JE. From there, the bus will make a climb uphill and if the bus is fast enough, we'll go over the top like being on a rollercoaster. I know the bus drivers liked to hear RV kids scream "whoa!!!".

~ I can talk with my mouth unmoving. Good for speaking ill of others IN FRONT OF THEM.

~ I look around my surrounding before I speak ill of others. If the targets are around, I'll employ the above technic.

~ I use my eyes as hands to indicate the target of verbal abuse. A pointing finger will attract too much attention.

~ I am a bass singer; I can never reach the high notes of the school song.
"与日月争光兮与天地共久长 ~ ~ @#$%^&**&^%$#@"

~ I always check my seat to see if it's clean, cos I had to protect my white shorts for 4 years.

~ Not to mention my penchant for hot pants in white...

~ I can squeeze tonnes of things in a given space. Well, I could squeeze my Bio, Phy, Chem, Geog, A Maths, D Maths, Chi textbooks in the drawer under my table. Not to mention the chi dict, english thesaurus-cum dict set, 成语500, water bottle, umbrella, over-due worksheets. 听写, maths exercise books and my NCC manual. haha...

~ I carry light, cos of the above reason. Once, while we were busy trying out maths questions, Mr Ng Hai Guan walked to my seat and took a peek into my bag. All he found was my sammi-covered student's diary. In shock, he turned my bag inside out and nothing came out. He just asked, "You come to school with only sammi cheng?" I need not answer, the whole class did it for me.

~ I can write words in sonic speed, nicknamed 抄人.

~ I don't blame 大长今 for always hiding her hands under her apron, cos well, RV guys like to stick our hands into the pockets in the lower parts of our shirts. oh, so it was always tissue on my LEFT breast pocket, spectacles on my RIGHT, watch on my LEFT bottom pocket and sweets and what-nots on my RIGHT. During my upper sec days, my wallet migrated from my pocket at the back of my shorts to the Lower Right Shirt Pocket, cos well... there are too much stuff to fill in my shorts-turned-hot pants le...

~ I'm a docile man. RV gals are too loud and demanding... ie QIA...

~ I get tensed up when a stranger approaches me. That guy must be a salesman (olden days' MLM), Christian or ex-RV. All three like to talk non-stop of something that I don't feel like hearing: a useless gadget, an out-of-the-world belief, and the line of RV principals since 1956.

~ I know the ONE-AND-ONLY meeting place in RV: In front of the archives. "hey, later play soccer." "ok, mit where?" "outside archives." of cos, I dunch play soccer, duh!

~ I hate Physics most, cos it was on Level 3. Biology was the best, cos the labs were on the ground floor, but it had 2 labs compared to 3 each for Chem & Phy. Technical workshop is the worst. We didn't visit it after 2 years.

~ I can sleep while sitting cross-legged on the floor, and laugh along with the rest of the auditorium when cued. Or stand up to sing song, at other times, all while asleep.

~ The white pages of my Silver Sword book was tainted yellow, cos I used it for the Reading Period, where I would lower my head in pretense of reading it when in actual fact I was sleeping and drooling onto it. Come on, I believe the pages of my neighbour's Merchant of Venice weren't yellow in the first place too...

~ I cover my mouth when I yawn, because Tham-Tham taught us to do that a dozen times. All while I was dozing off. You know how susceptible to suggestions people are when they're semi-conscious...

~ I thought I would go to Heaven (thereby the lack of thought of converting to Christianity when those Christians tried to psycho me to) cos Tham-Tham also said RV-ians are angels.

~ I didn't like PE lessons cos one of the teacher looked like 阿扁 and the other called himself Navel. Both are Mr Teo, by the way. There was a third PE teacher whom I never bothered to know his name. He looked anal, though. Basically, all RV-ians thinks most people in RV looked anal. The only person in RV who dunch look anal is the RV-ian himself.

~ I liked chinese lessons cos I was taught by 2 chinese teachers (new and famous at that time): 蔡老师 & 叶老师. My parents were also by the surnames of 蔡 & 叶.

~ I like giving chi historical figures english names. It started when my history teacher (the fat woman whom I forgot her name) calls Ci Xi: Suzy cos the ang mohs translated her name as Tsu Sze. I called 苏东坡 sotong ball after that. And do you know the english name of Confucius? If you read one of the sec chi texts, it said: 孔子，字庄尼. Meaning: Confucius, a.k.a Johnny.

~ I'm afraid of Geography for the 1st geog teacher I got: Miss Chin. She looked like she comes from Shark Tale, Robert Deneiro's char. Then, I got this teacher called Mr Chan Keng Soon who puts us into hypnotized state the moment he spoke. We only liked him after he performed a stunt when he dislodged one end of the OHP screen and sent it swinging after him a la Final Destination style. Amazingly, that thing missed him, he turned to us asking why we screamed, oblivious to the screen that settled into pendulum state. Mr Ng was so angry at him for spoiling his screen cos it was hanging in the middle of the blackboard, blocking his mathematical expressions. He got Alex, the tallest guy in 4I to remove the screen from its intact end.

~ I hate the RV canteen. Once, after a 2.4km run, I suffered a freaking leg cramp. I was paralysed on the floor, right in the middle of the freaking canteen, with people looking at me and wondering why I was sitting on the floor with a grimace on my face.

~ and yar, like the other RV-ians mentioned above, I like to 看热闹, but not lend a helping hand.

~ I'm a dreamy guy. I once helped my best friend write a love letter for a crush, in the above-mentioned canteen, albeit 2 years earlier. It was the orientation camp in 2nd year, we stayed over cos I was helping out with NCC matters and he, the Students' Council. At night, we couldn't sleep and he asked help from me, so I imagined myself to be sammi in 百分百感觉 and wrote a super-mushy note for him. yup, I just watched the movie and fell in love with sammi in the dec hols just before that.

~ I can sleep on the bus and wake up at the exact bus stop to alight. yup, as mentioned by xy, we always take the freezing 197 in the early, early mornings. Me, xy & benson. We would sleep together on the bus and wake up promptly at the bus stop to drop off.

~ I have an amazing power of concentration. What with the near-until-can-kiss buildings. 2F, was having our literature test, when from across the building, Trina Kok from 2E sang: GO GO POWER RANGER ~ ~ ~ !!! oh... and speaking of singing, there was the famed Victoria who sang from Les Miserables: There is a castle on the cloud. It was rumoured those who heard her sang died 7 days later from trauma...

~ I'm a lone worker. Sec 2, was ousted out by my history group 1 week before the submission deadline. So I ended up rushing my project through sleepless nights. My topic was on Japanese invasion, so I did a write-up on it. Apart from a scrapbook, I made a big 'book casing' for it, out of styrofoam. For the front, I cut out a frame, laid a piece of transparent wrap behind, carved out the shape of Japan's islands and stuck them onto the wrapping, in the middle of the frame. For that, I got an A, and a group of good friends from 2B and 2F, who helped me type my report cos I didn't have a computer.

~ I can differentiate Beauty World and Bukit Timah Plaza and know the way there. Goodness, our $78 per set of uniforms was made there!

~ I know there are 3 kinds of onion rings: Yellow ones are the class monitors, whose jobs were to shout: 起立，行礼！Green ones are the stern-faced councillors who like to tell us: eh... dun run along corridors. Red ones are those Ex-Co who like to say: I love people who are Corny...

~ I know people who called themselves Connie aren't corny at all. Dear Connie, after a morning assembly, called the troublesome 4I & 4J to stay behind for spot check. Dear Connie, saw my Armani, asked: Why is there no hair on the sides of your head? Why is your hair standing up? Do you have hormonal imbalance? nabehz... I became the laughingstock of everyone for weeks...

~ I know how to set up a commercial tent. Learnt it during sec 3 camp. Was one of the facilitators, cos I was afraid of heights and I knew that that would give me a reason NOT to do those confidence-training stuff. And I really siamed. 3I won 2nd for talentime for our Dr Jones dance. 3J won 1st cos they had PP who did a terrific dance item. oh well, 3I talked about team effort, you know...

~ I feel restless when CNY approaches. Why not? Every year, we had to decorate the wall outside our classroom for CNY!!! 1F carved a dragon head out of styrofoam. 2F made a lion head. 3I ermz... I forgot. 4I... even worse. No memories. Sorry...

~ I had shit luck. I have a bronze medal for a 4x100m relay from sec3. We were actually the 5th, but the 3rd and 4th teams fouled. So 3I got bronze. So funny. 1 and only time I went to receive a prize in RV, especially for a sports event. lol

~ I love Tuesdays, cos it was when the teachers had meetings, so we were let off early. During sec3 (the craze of Titanic), I started to watch movie every Tuesday, so much so that by the end of the term, I had nothing to watch. Those were the days when I had Tuesdays With Yonghao, my buddy whom we watched movies together, went to rot in shopping centres all on Tuesdays.

~ I love views that looked over water. Well, RV looked over Pandan Reservoir leh. During my last year, cos Mr Shamsudin liked to bring us to the Library for lessons, I got attached to the Library that I rarely stepped foot in before. Loved the view of the Library looking over the reservoir. Loved the peace. I met friends while I was browsing through the collection. Got ridiculed my Miss Kiang for borrowing Narnia books. eh... If reading Narnia is so childish, why issit found in the Library?? Our library card was 'pink' in colour, where we surrender when we borrow books and the librarians slot in the books' 'tag' into the card and keep until we return the books.

~ I am conservative. After all, I stayed in such a sterile environment for 4 full years. The only person who created a wave in my era was Miss Kiang, who happened to be my English teacher during sec 4. She had long, super curly hair (that she called frizzy), wears 4-inch high heels, mini skirts and low-V blouse. Apparently, her days as a RGS girl has shown the Pandan Monastery what havoc really was.

~ I can play taichi by pushing blames to people. Like blaming qy for making me lose badminton games? Like insisting that I don't owe anybody money. Like the missing textbook that caused me to fail my history test? Actually, I plain forgot there was a history test. And I could have passed it well, cos most of the questions I could answer out of memory, but there was this question on this Melayu book. nabehz... I cursed and swore, and wondered why I should know about a Malay book when I'm a chinese.

~ I am automatically attracted to RV-ians, 7 years after leaving it.

~ I cared to write all these down cos it was a nice trip down memory lane.

~ I know RVHS is 50 this year, cos 10 years ago, when I stepped foot into the grounds of the cream, Lloyd-style building, we had to run around the Pandan Reservoir (bloody 8km of it) to celebrate its 40th birthday. That was the worst birthday celebration I ever had to attend...

~ I have 50 reasons to say why I'm RV-istic for RV's 50th b'day. Do you?

For the school that I spent FOUR happy, sad, crazy, stupid, lazy, senseless, muggy, sweaty, sleepy, drooly, marchy (I was in NCC, duh!) & crappy days: Happy 50th.

2006-06-26T02:01:00.000+08:00

Injection of Colour To My Life

It really takes a major event in my life for me to be able to start having the urge to blog again. Just weeks ago, I was at the point where I had nothing much to say, cos my life was getting a bit bland with a constant loop set into my life.

And it seems that interesting stuff likes to come all at once.

But I suppose the impact from E3 was rather great, having met so many interesting characters both in and out of my group. The freshies were great, and I've regained my belief that it's good to health to hang out with younger people, cos they had the ideas, zeal and drive that people like me have gradually lost.

Lameness was one. For almost 2 years, people have met with my lame comments with just a roll of their eyes and making a secret wish that I disappear from the face of the earth. I can't believe I actually met people who specialize in lame jokes in this camp. OMG...

Ma'at's freshies are impossible (it seems weird to call them freshies when I regard them as friends already. Somehow, calling them 'freshies' have a sense of condescendment, but it's an easy way to refer to them). They mass chat from 10pm to 4am, and den from 12pm to 4pm. They have an outing on Tue and Fri, going for PAH this weekend, and a chalet is in the pipeline for 4 days next week.

Goodness... I take 2 months to try to get my old friends to just meet for 2 hours!

Woke up late on Tues, guess I was still trying to recuperate from the lack of sleep last week. There weren't supposed to be anybody in the house, since my sisses and mum goes to work by 10am. But there was my mum, walking out of the bathroom, pointing to me her buah luku on her head, telling me she fell at the bus stop while chasing after the bus.

I was so terrified cos the bump was bleeding and she could actually take it so easy. She told me that the ambulance came but she didn't want to go on it cos it was too expensive. I broke into a string of vulgarities and forced her to see the doc. With her osteo, I didn't want to leave anything to chances.

Yup, jolts of life comes all at once.

So I had to rush my mum to the clinic which was about to close, arrange to meet the buyer of my DVD writer and catch up with the discussion for the Ma'at gathering in the evening. Why must they all come at once and leave my other days so boring and vacant??

Back to the after-thoughts of E3, I conclude that one type of character I don't like will be the Act-Cute types. There were some people in there who were trying so hard to please others by acting cute. And by acting cute, I wasn't refering to Rainie's type of making cute expressions. These people portray themselves as the weak, squealing hamsters to demand the attention and care from their victims.

The key word here is ACT. I can see they are acting cute when their behaviour is inconsistent. One moment they'd be weak, and another moment they'd be ranting about their colourful lifestyle, very atypical of their 'weak' nature.

I admit I do act cute once in a while, but like acting hum-sup, horny etc, it was for the entertaining of people around me. Life needs some kind of laugher medicine at times, so I provided it (though I hope the others see my point).

haiz... as usual, drifting off and realizing that this is another post that has no central theme. Just as well... Ventilation.

2006-06-16T00:42:00.000+08:00

Losing Voice?

Been using too much of my voice. Wed's 5hr KTV session, Thurs' buffet lunch chat with Bryan and a chillout session with Jan over a cuppa.

Wed sing sing sing.

Thurs talk talk talk.

I never know I can talk that much.

I bitched about stuff that didn't suit my taste and style of working. I shared about the good moments of memories. I planned some activities in the short term.

National politics, inter-personal politics, organizational politics.

Frankly speaking, after spouting all my dissatisfaction, I feel better and my negative feelings towards certain people decreased. After elaborating my happy events, I have better plans and confidence for the future.

Talking: it's good for the soul but bad for the throat.

Then after talking, having some time to myself, I began to evaluate the stuff that I hear. YES! I listen to what people told me. Even though I may not give instant/knowledgeable replies, I do try to make head or tail out of them when I have the luxury of time and peace.

Shall elaborate on those thoughts some time later. Perhaps in a secret post, where only people who have been to will find it. People who don't find it can also request my password/directions after which I'll decide whether to let you in on the secret.

Secrets. shhh!!! That's where losing the voice comes in: being unable to leak what I listen and evaluated.

2006-06-15T01:21:00.000+08:00

Serotonin Rush

Serotonin is a form of hormone that suppresses the depressive side of the mind, meaning it can be found in anti-depressants. It can also be found in chocolate or secreted by the brain when spending enjoyable time with someone.

Its effects, other than controlling depression, include a heightened sense of surroundings and increased metabolism.

gosh! Is this why I'm still awake at this hour??

2006-06-12T00:42:00.000+08:00

Album of the Month

As mentioned in the post below, something made me rather optimistic. And after the nice chat, it made me reconsider visiting stuff that made me happy in the past. After all, it isn't easy to find new sources of happiness continuously and the past is usually an easy source for one.

And just then, my playlist came to this song by sammi: 《懒理》. Not only is the song telling us to take it easy, sammi is also one of my greatest source of solace in the past.

listen to sammi

《懒理》 comes from the album "listen to sammi", chinese called 《听闻。。。郑秀文》, and it's the 3rd album I liked, after "becoming sammi" and "ladies first".

No. 1 becoming sammi

No. 2 Ladies First

At first sight, the album's name may not seem relevant to the above-mentioned song, but it runs more deeply. 1st, a look at the lyrics (for the cheena-phobes, it's actually cantonese for most of the time and frankly speaking, I don't understand some of the phrases too)

《懒理》

甲：听讲他相当QK 听讲他什么都睇不起
乙：听讲他假装谦卑听讲他嚣张得识飞
丙：听讲他不好心地听讲他将跟班玩死
丁：听讲他花心兼不羁听讲他好鬼憎上机

还听讲他跟我一起闲话越闹越理越烦腻
谁知他不生半点气还笑说每日有新趣味

喜欢他就是喜欢他遇末日亦未觉乏味
喜欢他喜欢他这么抵死
花心思花得起光怪陆离
喜欢他就是喜欢他像在玩又像有预备
他一起他一起跟他一起
日后若若日后
天塌下来亦无用防备

这世界我一于懒理有情人处理
我有我千娇百媚 hey hey hey
懒理你再颠三倒四（香三臭四）
和情人要去嬉戏

今天不想再生气甜蜜地但愿每夜回味
才不想今天再生气人已太快乐懒得理~

In short, it's advicing people not to be too bothered with what other people says. More importantly, this is a song to take a dig at reporters. When she sang 懒理你再香三臭四, she was refering to the reporters who called her 臭四 when she when she didn't respond to their questions probing her private life.

《听闻。。。郑秀文》 became another form of sarcasm from sammi and "listen to sammi" reminds people to listen to her, rather than to the reporters.

Another thing I liked about the song was the part at the chorus. The 2nd line ends with "hey hey hey" and the 4th line also goes "hey hey hey", except that the "hey hey hey" was replaced by logically sound words, that when sung in cantonese, sounds like "hey hey hey".

That reminds me of Eason's "Shall We Talk" where he goes:

陪我讲陪我亲身证实眼泪谁滴得多

where the idea of tears dropping was animated by the fact that the last three words sound (and was thus sung) as "dik duck dor", ie the sound of dripping water. Add on to Eason's way of singing, it felt like a storm of tears rather than just plain crying.

The magic of cantonese songs was that not only are the lyrics more conversational (unlike chinese where lyrics sound nice usually when they are poetic) and thus conveys more ideas and the sound of cantonese expands the possibility of conveying ideas in unconventional ways.

And I like the album cover too. Unlike her chinese albums, she likes to 'play with her image' in her cantonese albums. Though the image in this album isn't extraordinarily stunning or weird, it plays on my affinity for things that are cold. And the background used was the famous logo of Paramount Picture's mountain peak. Something that hints that this is a movie where sammi tells her own story.

Even her complementary karaoke VCD goes along the same line of coolness. And that cover picture is my all-time favourite. I don't know why, but it rings with me.

listen to sammi VCD

So today, it's sammi's "listen to sammi" in 1999 that's in the limelight.

2006-06-09T23:06:00.000+08:00

How To Clean The Inside Of A Bottle

Learnt something new today, which was the titled stuff. I was shaking my bottle filled with soap water and digging as far in as I could with my finger to wipe the inside of my water bottle when my mum told me to add a few pieces of toilet paper before shaking the bottle.

So I did, with about 50ml of water and a few blocks of toilet paper, I started 'cleaning' my bottle apprehensively. To my surprise, the method worked and when my bottle used to look dull from whatever grime that was sticking to its inner walls, it now looks bright and clear.

But the process was a bit gooey though. The paper will 'disintegrate' into a mush such that it will take a few washings before the bits of paper gets washed off totally. In fact, when I 1st poured the combination into the toilet bowl, it was as though I was emptying a flask of congee. hmmm...

Little things of life. To think that initially, I was planning to invent some brush of sort to clean bottles. I never knew toilet paper has uses other than cleaning the arse ;P

2006-06-05T15:54:00.000+08:00

Positive Thinking

Yesterday, during the outing with the HJC gang, I begged XL to help train me for interviews, which I really suck at. And then, this morning, in 桃色蛋白质, the theme was on interviews for the dummies.

I must admit that I suck at interviews (and talking the 'politically correct' way) that what I got from the show were stuff that I didn't know in the past. ok, perhaps I had heard from seminars and workshops that I should do XXX or YYY, but they never taught us the exact words and such, only telling us to use our imagination. Basically, they didn't teach me anything.

For example, "Why did you quit your last job?". We were told "focus on the plus side of the company you are working on and what you hope to benefit from it which you can't get from the old company".

To me, that was 说了等于没说.

But on the show, the guy replied something like: I wish to upgrade myself and expand my potential with the company.

OR, the part about negotiating the salary: what if the salary offered was somewhat lower than your expectation? How should we react when we would like to have more of that?

The official answer given was: "I really hope to join your company and I believe I will be able to gain quite a lot from you. At the same time, I would also like to know whether I will get a pay raise when I perform better than expectations".

Of course, I will have to collate and remember the various standard answers myself. If not, I will definitely continue to die in interviews and never land myself in a decent job.

So, I was also thinking of other answers I could give. But for one, my working experience is limited. What's more, my army profile isn't exactly as powerful as my peers. I will definitely lose out in terms of that.

What's a storeman to brag about when my friends are mostly specs and officers?

yup, perhaps my greatest failure in life will be to be a storeman+armskoteman.

But hey! I excelled as a service personnel ok? I was involved in commercial stocktaking when I was a storeman and internal stocktake when I was an armskoteman and in both cases, I got A. Is that ok? It shows how good my management skills are and how good my interpersonal skills (like real) are at getting people to lend me stuff that I lack in.

Frankly speaking, I used to think that getting an A was not really something to brag about. Perhaps A is a common grade, something that the majority of the stores in Singapore army camps get. It's getting lower than A that will be worth contemplating.

But considering the various stores that I have been: brunei and ITI, I must say my store shines. My store is CLEAN, ORDERLY and my stores are in great condition. How else did I get the A then?

Never mind that my signal store was orderly in the 1st place. Nevermind that I had the help of my CSM and colleague. In an interview, it's a one-man-show.

The power of positive thinking...

2006-05-28T21:08:00.000+08:00

My Last Words

I'm not leaving for good, neither do I know if I will NOT be not leaving for good (please take the literal and non-literal sense). But since I'm such a worry-wort, it's just not unusual for me to do such stuff when I embark on a trip that may result in something bad happening.

1st of all, I have an SAF group insurance. Please do inform my family that it's STILL VALID and remember to make claims. I don't pay such rebates every year for nothing. But it doesn't mean I have to be DEAD you know, 'cos it covers injuries and dismemberments and such. When in doubt, just ask. The Captain Yap who sold us the insurance didn't earn the commission for nothing.

2ndly, if I should remain in vegetative state, please kill me. No use for me wasting another 40 years in bed when I can actually reincarnate and live another 40 years, for better or for worse.

3rdly, please burn all my CD+VCD+GAMES+PC so that I won't be lonely while waiting for my turn to become baby zenov jr. oh yar, and a handphone, if you wish to communicate with me, though we might be able to msn each other lol

4th, please do find out if I was killed wrongfully, though most probably I will look up one of my close friends if I do. I have a lot of enemies while I was an NSF, and I don't know if they will be alongside with me in a trench when I go for my short 5-day torment.

oh, but of course, my ICT lasts from 29 May - 2 June, 5 days in total. ie, after that, please do make an effort to find out if I'm alive and/or kicking. Like this then will you be able to carry out the above instructions.

oh yar... for my dear friends who frequent this blog, if you miss me, you can flip through my older posts. The ones with pictures are in the Photo Cache, while the ones about my thoughts are in Inside the Fence. The Hatelist link is cut off cos of the sensitive content. hmmm... And my past works are in Lyrics. yar...

Please do not feel sad and cry for me during my absence. If you miss me, you can always refer to the Photo Cache and look at my handsome faces, especially the posts where I showed off my different haircuts for different seasons.

If that is still not enough, you can run to the beach and make a wish for my safe return. Or even better, you can go to Tanjong Gul Camp (my camp when I was in 65) to visit me, though it will feel like you're visiting an inmate. But well, it may well be, for I'm a prisoner of the country's nationalism for these 5 days. Hate it or not, I have to endure it.

I know, some of you may be lazy or impatient to click the link to see my pic, so I'm posting one of my better ones to ease your desire...

ok... u're looking into the future. 5 days and my goal is to shed 2-5 kg, 3 inches off my waist.

2006-05-01T19:20:00.000+08:00

Sammi Shd Be Spokesperson For GE ’06

pulled myself out of home early May Day morning to go mug at school. after all, it's a sinful thing to give myself 2 days break. but well, going to sch is ALWAYS boring, and i dun like to study on the train. so i was daydreaming...

and yar... the IN thing in s'pore now is GE. and i was wondering if the opposing parties will mimic taiwanese rallies where they'd invite ppl to sing juz like in 7th mth. yar... i dun expect the Whites to do dat, so the possibilities r out for the opposition. budden, i was like: wat if they find CT girls?? and den they'd sing their bad rendition of sammi's songs again. dat was when, i began to realize, all i needed was to change a few words in some sammi's songs and voila! the song will b fit to b sung in GE rallies.

for example, there's the GE Theme Song from 《独一无二》 (the ones highlighted r the words i changed, to emphasize how little i changed)

《独一无二》

谁手中真有把握
时间紧迫那战情水深火热
你可要做出选择
空前绝后明知道就别错过
他或他没有强弱 (assuming our opp is 1st class...)
随时交换角色
就只在大选你才很独特

如何让你决定他够不够资格
如何你觉得他独一无二
如何让他证明你们情投意合
就凭他绝对是独一无二

有预感在眼前闪动
煽动你立刻选择他

and of cos, if the opposition really want to find CT girls to sing, they can make them sing this:

《眉飞色舞》

他的是非对错已太多
来到大选集会的场合
混合他的冲动他的耸动不计较后果

理由一百万个有漏洞
快说破说破以后最赤裸
你们一人一票投不投我关系着结果

你投我票结果中间不必停留
你投错票不能够再来过
男的女的都不要再等候
自由自由现在就要自由

and den, if, i mean IF, the Whites wanna 呛声, they can find other ppl to sing this:

《说清楚》

别挑衅我的政府有时告你反而值得庆祝
拒绝没水准政府决不容许瑕玼品来充数
白直接告到你脱裤
不白只能道歉求恕
别含含糊糊别吞吞吐吐
别求 subash 来帮助

说清楚你的态度你的纯度才够换我名誉的弥补
说清楚你在何处你的总部律师信要寄出

RAP：说清楚别骂了别告了其实根本没有什么根本就没有什么
对不起放开点放松点告的太多神经紧绷也没有用
最好最好一点放纵最好最好懂得放过

oh... and i found another of sammi's song dat could b the opp's theme:

《天衣无缝》

赞成吧要的永远得不到
反对吧如果你能要得到
对就对错就错这绝对要求一个极端
仔细听心中呐喊的声浪
明明就遇到完美的对象
一切很明朗保持沉默不如反抗

管谁说出乎预料我们一开始就知道
大开了眼界改革时间已来到请叫好

一进一退一心一意天衣无缝我们会更努力
千奇百怪千变万化天衣无缝变数就在其中

花花世界人海茫茫谁都有苦衷
医药费高没有钱还他们都不懂
百闻不如一见我们还在等什么
我了解你的问题我是你要的

and i guess it's obvious who the next song is for...

《魅力燃烧》

今年的经济忧郁还是快乐不靠反对党负责
他们的势力如果太过逼人电梯翻新少不得
又何必在电视前面争吵没有根据地胡闹
我相信我这个样子很好
1st Class 没有绝招廉名清政就好

魅力燃烧快乐环绕
我有我自己最特别的味道
魅力燃烧控制不了
情绪在引爆让人神魂颠倒
魅力燃烧快乐环绕
我找得到让国家强富的诀窍
魅力燃烧投我的票
停不了挡不了受不了快疯掉

arh... dat's all. a bit stupid, but conjuring up these bo liaoz stuff on a supposedly holiday-but-haf-to-mug day is a form of de-stress. wat with my zen in repair. arrggghhh!!!

aniwaes, i saw the whole ~~bunch~~ gang of MP at punggol plaza yesterday. din saw them, only saw dat there was a baby show, but din realize the MPs were sitting in front of the stage until my sis told me. hmmm... i wanna complain. how come no one tell me they going punggol plaza? like the way the RC at my cluster opened w/o informing us, like the way the rally was up today in punggol but there were no news.

neva sakar me how i vote.

hmmm... the prob is, NO ONE sakar me, so i oso dunno who to vote. but really, my cluster is marginalized. we MUZ COMPLAIN!!!

2006-04-29T22:23:00.000+08:00

Election!!!

who wld haf tot dat 1st yr into my adulthood, i'd b given a chance to exercise my right as a citizen? finally i can feel like a true-blue singaporean! and guess wat? my poor pri sch gang ain't having the chance, cos they r (still) in tanjong pagar! too bad. there's give and take: a stable leadership or a sense of identity.

my... and dis election MUZ come at the transition of the end of exams. shd i follow the rallies broadcast or shd i follow nus webcast? end up i gave up studies to stay at home to wait for some party to knock at my door to give me some freebies.

yar... end up punggol is a god-forsaken place. nobody seems to care abt punggol. arggghhh!!! wasted a day of study!

and of cos, i've been conjuring up things to say if i mit those guys who r eager to get my vote. i mean, seeing teo chee hean up close and personal is like having dinner w sammi, ok? 3 yrs in punggol and i've neva seen the woman in charge of punggol in person AT ALL. yar... when i was still at old home, i was hoping tanjong pagar wld get contested so dat lky will come knocking on my door and smile to me to say: ~~酒旰倘买没？~~ vote for me! w streamers and all.

i mean, it's like seeing santa standing at the fireplace w my present on x'mas morning.

of cos, like my analogies, none of dat is likely to happen. spent 20 yrs of my life in bm and neva even saw lky's 背影. the only time i saw an MP was in pri 2, when i went on stage to receive a bursary. dat time, my dad who was the MP's fren, was proudly telling him: dat was my son.

still, they muz b hi-bye frens. =P i dun even remember his name lol

oh... where was i? ok... so there were some things i wanna say and i tot they will carry the most impact in some situations:

SUNDAY MORNING, 7am

juz as i was walking out of my hse to go sch, there they are! the candidates going on their rounds. they were juz stepping out of the lift and bumped into me, sleepy-eyed and looking as tho i was going to die.

they'd ask me where i'm going and i'd say: to the sch, duh!

MP: (surprised) it's sunday! and it's early!

ME: yar, and it's exam period, duh~~!

MP: u guys r so hardworking...

ME: yar... no choice. not when we haf PRCs in NUS. look, i'd b over the hill if i get 3rd-class honours. but i'm praying hard to for juz a pass and my degree.

MP: things aren't dat bad...

ME: excuse me~ i noe u guys r hi-flyers and most prob r scholars. but my dear, i'm a 邻家男孩 w all LOOKS but no BRAINS. studying ain't a breeze for me like u do, k? and esp when u get PRCs to fight w me. come on! i'm only top 10% and i hafta fight w top 0.001% of PRCs. is dis fair?

MP: well, dis is the world. in the future, u'd hafta go china and work.

ME: u den go china. i die oredi still wun go. u eat shit i still wun go...

MP: (embarrassed) well, i'm glad the country had not wasted its resources on crude ppl like u...

ME: 近株者赤嘛... yar... spend all our resources on foreign talents rite? those students pay the same as locals. i dun feel exclusive being s'porean. i DUN feel s'porean at all. i'm being sidelined. i'm treated as a 2nd class citizen...

MPO: (jumps out from the opening lift) den VOTE ME!!!

ok... i noe the ending v lame, but i dinno how to end dat stale plot. can't possibly threaten to jump off the building rite? i oso not scholar, they mite juz let me jump to my death and say 'good riddance'.

SUNDAY EVENING, 7PM

was watching discovery channel and munching at some junkie when someone knocked the door. kena caught in my t-shirt-and-shorts 寒酸 look in my hse. shit! no time to change, not even brush my teeth. bleah!

MP: hi... having dinner?

ME: eh... nope. it's pre-dinner snacks. no free gifts arh?

MP: (bemused) no... we're not charity

ME: den scram (slams the door, rushes to change into glam clothes and den brush my teeth, rushes back to open the door at the sight of the leaving candidates) hey hey! stop! i'm so sorry for the rudeness. dat was my twin bro, u noe.

MP: oh... i see... r u going out? for wedding dinner??

ME: eh? no... going to sch to study.

MP: now? dis late?

ME: late? i was tinking i shd stay at home for another 15 min cos i tink i'm early. u noe, the stupid LRT only goes in one direction. it takes 15 min to reach punggol mrt when it's only 5 min away if the LRT goes in another direction.

MP: but dis late? i mean, u aren't coming home for the nite?

ME: gosh! we're staying in countryside babe. i can only reach sch at 8am next morning if i start stepping out of the hse NOW. wat w the LRT and MRT breaking down so often... packed trains... and haf u seen the queue at clementi bus interchange in the morning? it goes all the way into the train station! it's exam time babe. i ain't wanna b late for my paper.

MP: u're exaggerating...

ME: i guess so. wat w all the long travelling time, i getting crazy watching the police's stupid ALERT propoganda advertisement and smelling the armpits (if i'm standing up) and crotches/butts (if i'm sitting down) of ppl during rush hour...

MP: i understand...

ME: u do? u mean u haf taken public tpt b4? i tot u haf ur own car? wow! i muz blog abt dis. all along i tot ministers dun take public tpt.

MP: yar... i took from punggol to buangkok, last yr.

ME: yar... rite... now, seriously, my wish for this coming GE is for the LRT to go bi-directional. opposite directions, hetero, not homo. u noe? back and forth, back and forth. i wanna go straight to MRT station, not thru the bent line, u noe? now, where's the other guy who is an accountant? he looks v handsome in the newsletter u sent us. can he replace u for punggol ward? i'd b glad to go for ALL the Meet-The-MP sessions. any idea if his marriage is on the rocks or sth? *blinks*

MP: ermz... well, aren't u going to sch? u'd better get going! (runs away)

ME: can i haf his number?!?!

fuck! y did i end the story dis way?? but i couldn't tink of a more creative way to make her exit the story lol

i'm gonna VOTE next sat and go WWW w my pri gang AND tell them dat i VOTED!

2006-03-24T22:59:00.000+08:00

Going Into The Tent

dis phrase was coined when i was tokking to zin on wed. yup, it originates from BM. for the uninitiated/homophobics who tinks watching the movie compromises their masculinity, the 2 male leads did u-noe-wat after sharing a tent.

ie. going into the tent == go to bed == making love

haha...

dinno dat zin was 三八 enuf to gossip w me thru-out the whole trip to csl. we tokked abt sch work, PRCs, scandals, the reason y bryan left gp 6 (to b precise, guess who the culprit was), our grouches, y Touch is such a hot RVP, how we can make csl the next hot RVP and eventually got (ex)RIL and his gf into a plot to overthrow the current regime in csl.

the plan was dat the 4 of us will psycho as many freshies as possible into csl next sem, and then (zin and my plot), these freshies will vote zin in as president. and next yr, zin will yield her power to vote me in as prez.

gosh! the power of politics.

budden, the crucial pt now is to overthrow the current regime. else, all our plans will go to waste. shucks!

how how? y issit dat current chair CHOOSES his successor? wat if BG decides to choose HIMSELF as his own SUCCESSOR?? alamak... who will join csl leh?

hmmm... no nid to tink too much. the coming exams is more dire...

oh... juz watched tv and saw a news abt ah mei complaining dat she had to shoot an ad wearing summer attire in the 10 degC cold. i tink those taiwanese oso another kind: they like to wear so little to take pix during winter and wear sweaters and coats during summer time and then COMPLAIN abt how they r suffering.

den dun do dat in the 1st place! wear bikinis in summer and coats in winter. duh! common sense oso dunno...

2006-03-04T07:20:00.000+08:00

Experiment: Running

juz resumed my 2nd run dis season (or rather, for the past year) since last tue, which, voila! was also LB day. really, it's hard to wake up early in the morn to juz run, wat w mugging for tests dat robbed me of my precious sleep (muz get EIGHT hrs of sleep b4 a run leh...) but aniwaes, took 1 min 10s less today, which was rather satisfying.

and, as an undergrad in the applied science arena, i uncontrollably began to compare the 2 runs to find an explanation of how i did better (muz pinpoint the winning formula and replicate it for sustained performance, yar?), or wat i did wrongly the last time round.

hmmm...

i remember the last time round was a disaster, cos less than halfway thru the run, my left knee began to hurt arthritically. it was the 1st time i felt so in my knee, and i believed dat my bad ankle (which started hurting soon after i started) had resulted in dat knee deteriorating when i din workout. it hurt so much, dat it lasted for 3 days, rendering me helpless in the face of steps as little as 4 steps high.

but i tot the reason was also due to my attitude towards the running. yes, i followed the advice of the 'experts at Men's Health' to do interval training, ie. run at varying speeds under controlled timings thru out the run. but in addition to dat, i told myself dat i muz keep running until i'm totally shagged, den i'll allow myself to slow down to walking.

pushed too hard, i suppose.

dis time round, i still stick to the interval training, but adjusted to my degree of fatigue. started out running like normal, fast 2 min, slow 2 min. den, when my tolerance decreased significantly in the faster leg, i allowed myself to go slower in the slow session, so dat i can sprint faster when i'm in the fast session. den slow to walking... den shorten the time of walking and running, such dat in the last leg of my run, i was sprinting for 1 min and walking for half a min.

yup, in order to sprint, i had to slow down to walking during the slow period (of cos cannot stop altogether, cos it'll disrupt the metabolic system and cause less calories to burn). the ave speed and thus time for a distance covered is much faster than pushing thru at a constant, lower end of the running speed. after all, jogging at the lower threshold is no where significantly faster than walking. it's almost equivalent to walking the whole way...

and to make a conclusion of the above observation and evaluation, i shall superimpose the knowledge attained to the principles of mugging. yes, mugging is a muz, but there muz b sufficient (not to mention quality also) rest so dat during the period of mugging, the materials covered will b more efficiently absorbed. of cos, such emlightenment can b extended to work areas and such.

but of cos, in terms of timing, i still fail 2.4km lol MUZ buck-up!

kudoz!

2006-02-25T00:09:00.000+08:00

Final Destination

it's 3 this time.

watched it w xl on thurs evening. ha... but i muz say i regretted persuading her to come watch w me when we were halfway thru the show.

as i'd watched the 1st 2 eps, i noe the format of the show, since well, it is a franchise. but much as it follows a certain format, the director still managed to cook up a frightful, chilling ambience.

the format: visions of an accident, escape from it. there will b a gp of survivors due to the vision guy going gaga. the survivors will start to die off the order they were supposed to die in the accident. the 1st to die will always die at the scene of the accident. 2nd death will b slow and detailed. 3rd death will b sudden. after dat, well, i can't keep up.

i'm still wondering if i'll go watch the 4th ep if there ever will b.

and well, i had dinner w xl b4 the movie and we had a nice chit chat. ha... juz updating abt our lives. too bad hf can't come.

and aniwaes, xl told me of dis guy she saw on the pix i posted on cscday someone she knew and took pic w me. and amazingly, i couldn't recall who the guy was. when i came home and found out the id of the guy, i was like: hey! deja vu!

y leh? dat guy was in my french tut also.

situation 1: i only knew he was also from csc in the last 2 tut. but we din tok a lot after dat.

situation 2: we actually posed to take a pic on cscday.

it din occur to me dat the 2 situations link w each other. and xl knew him cos he was her ps fren, and he was also from hc. hmmm... how issit dat i've no impression of him leh?

it's amazingly rite? someday, shd take out pix i took and see whether i took a pic w some fren b4 we guys got to noe each other. maebe some jc fren was actually a childhood buddy i had in a playground. maebe some csc guy i noe was actually someone in hc also, always hanging abt his/her class bench which happened to b juz beside mine.

wateva.

2006-02-11T21:27:00.000+08:00

Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain

i like films which leaves me a sense of unspeakable satisfaction; 1st time i saw the film, i fell asleep on my couch halfway thru and din watch the 2nd disc. 2nd time, i finished the film and felt deeply inspired by the storyline. i told myself dat i wld watch it again.

dis evening, i finally watched the film again in an attempt to increase my french interest. it din help much for me on listening to spoken french (tried to catch some simple lines in the beginning, ended up staring at the subtitles most of the time...), but i still like the storyline nonetheless.

reviewing it again...

amelie, a gal who shut herself out from the outside world since young, found a box of toys hidden in her apartment one day and decided to do a gd deed by returning the box to its owner, and if she succeeds in doing dat, she'll do a gd deed everyday.

and so she did and she started changing lives of ppl ard her by doing small acts dat went unnoticed. little did she noe dat she was embarking on a journey to find her true love. nice. if only love can come to me like it does to ppl in films and dramas.

but rite now, i'm feeling like the amelie who went on w her lonesome life of routines expecting nothing exciting to happen to herself.

Voila!

2005-12-11T20:04:00.000+08:00

Quote From "The Devil & Miss Prym" By Paulo Coelho

Playing the part of a charitable soul was only for those who were afraid of taking a stand in life. It is always far easier to have faith in your own goodness than to confront others and fight for your rights. It is always easier to hear an insult and not retaliate than have the courage to fight back against someone stronger than yourself; we can always say we're not hurt by the stones others throw at us, and it's only at night - when we're alone and our wife or our husband or our school friend is asleep - that we can silently grieve over our own cowardice.

2005-12-03T10:14:00.000+08:00

Harry Chicken vs Little Potter

went on a mini movie marathon on the 1st day of my holidays. watched "Chicken Little" and "Harry Potter", 2 blockbusters dat opened the holiday season.

i muz say Chicken Little is very overstated. other than being cute, there is no plot, no char devpt, no uncheesy jokes. but considering my personality, the cheesy punchlines still got me, tho it's a laugh and 4get incident.

and i find Fish Out of Water to b more farnie than Chicken Little itself. yep, for a char w no lines, it shone like no other. in fact, i tink i saw myself in it. the guy who always do things ppl least expects of him, always left out but self entertaining. nice. no wonder i like it so much.

Harry Potter, is well, very much worth the time and money to watch it. it's SUPERB! it's a MUZ-SEE!!! esp for ppl like me who likes the world of fantasy, or like the world of the temperate countries (or the western countries), the world of snow and mountains. yep, visually, the movie captured my heart.

of cos, the movie is dotted w cute gals and dashing guys to make up for the 2 male-leads who were getting uglier w each instalment. haiz... rite from the 1st scene, i was gasping w disgust: OMG! y film 2 pcs of lard for a movie's opening? turned out to b harry and ron sleeping. bleah!

of cos, of cos, the best looking guy of the season muz b cederic ~~dickery~~ diggery. man... dat guy was suave! u noe, the type of the-top-student-who-happened-to-be-the-most-droolsome-boy-in-sch. mike newell sure noes how to cast his actors.

the other (supposedly) hunk is victor krum. well, i juz tot he was too boorish looking to b cast as a droolsome-student-from-other-sch. i mean, if u hafta extend ur charm across schools (esp when the schools r mountains apart), u hafta look MORE dashing than cederic is. but obviously, mike din noe better.

i mean, wat's a hunk w no neck? wat's a hunk who goes ARRRGGGGHHHH!!! like a tribal man? he has only fulfilled the hunk-hunk factor of the hunk, and not the handsome-hunk part. haiz...

and noe wat? after the movie opening, came sch opening. dumbledore introduced the visitors from the other 2 sch, who made their entrance like an NKF show. stupid. the pretty french gals came in like gals from Sound of Music, go 'ah' 2 times (gotta watch the show to understand) b4 they started to dissipate blue butterflies from within, all to make an entrance for their oh-so-opp-from-them headmistress. she's so ugly! she has buck teeth! she's NOT BLONDE!!!

she was such an anti-climax.

then the guys from another sch came in w a tribal dance in minks. i like their staffs tho, it gave them a sense of power, but, issit of any use huh? or was it juz for the NKF performance? yep, they somersaulted and blew flames b4 their headmaster came in w, but who, the star of their sch, victor krum, who was as barbaric looking as his sch mates.

one thing i realized: Howgwart's is a damn MIXED boarding sch!!! wow!!! it wasn't until the other 2 pure boys and pure gals sch came in dat i realized the freaking truth. then i realized dat victor shunned from gals not cos he was gay. haha... ok... bad joke. gays r gd-looking.

then came the triwizard challenge. ermz... except for the dragon thingy (which was the 1st pt), the other challenges r not as visually stunning. full stop. gotta watch the show to experience the excitement.

in between, they haf the prom. stupid. totally propaganda. we haf british harry, chinese cho chang, viking (i suppose) victor, french fleur, 2 indian gals... come on... i like my quintessentially british harry potter movie to b westernized. no asians allowed! if i wanna watch asians, i'd go for tom-yum-goong.

but i like a critic's description of harry asking cho chang out for the ball on a balcony. it really felt so korean, w harry becoming bae flirting w a korean gal. waha... mike newell watched korean shows!!!

the prom's supposed to bring out the jealousy between hermione the beauty (she's becoming so much prettier!!!) and ron the pig (visually). but mike newell was bad at it. all of a sudden, the both of them were quarrelling and i dun c y.

ok... here comes the climax. lord voldemort. or the plot behind the triwizard thingy. but i wun b a spoiler. let's juz say dat the triwizard thingy led harry (and cederic) to lord voldemort, and ended up w a v saddening, devastating twist of plot:

CEDERIC WAS KILLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF! i was expecting to see him in the next instalment! no!!! i dun wan him to die! no!!! how could he b dead! he's the only eye-candy in the show!!! ARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

i hate these kinds of cheesy story plots. y muz gd-looking guys die prematurely? shucks!!!

i shall remember dat it was wormtail who killed cederic. i will b laughing my way home when wormtail gets vaporized. darn!

so... lord voldemort was revived and he attempted to kill harry in order to reinstate his reputation. but, alas! harry's parents' souls came to rescue him, and so did cederic, who asked harry to bring his body back. ohhh... i'm coming to the sad part. gosh! i was crying. i was crying for the tonnes of sch gals out there who viewed cederic as The One. aw!!!

and there comes the ending. well... i sorta forgot the ending. shdn't b anything so memorable bah. but harry was sobbing and sobbing and he announced in front of the whole stadium of audience dat 'Voldermort is back!', w no response. i guess the spectators were more grieved abt the death of cederic (yes, it's all abt him! *sob*) than the revival of voldemort, who looks v serpentine. full stop. yes, see the show to see him... he nids a nose-job.

aniwaes, i'm not bothered abt not remembering the ending of the show. cos i'm gonna watch it the 2nd time. nice show. =)

2005-11-26T09:24:00.000+08:00

Learn From Us, Harbinites

finally saw on tv the news abt the toxic spill in harbin (been only reading abt it from factiva... no pix). eh... r they sure the water is polluted? it doesn't glow luminous green the way i used to see in Captain Planet leh.

and one gd ol' harbinite was quoted as saying:

how can we not feel tired? we wake up early every morning to go Q for the water. i go at 9am, some go at 8am, some even at 6.30am...

aw... gawd!!! how similar r they to s'poreans? we will go Q for sth at 6.30 also... 6.30PM the day b4, dat is. looks like those harbinites still haven't learn to b as competitive as us leh. hehe... we shd send a team over there to teach them abt the know-hows of kiasu-ism lol teach them how to prepare for such an event...

inside the portfolio for organizing the water rationing will b dis:

- govt shd set up an air-conditioned tent for the ppl to Q in, cos it's FREAKING WINTER over at harbin, if u haven't realized.

-import Newater (cannot tell them how it came abt, tho)

- organize staged performance to raise funds (water) for the ppl in need. whoa... welfare, boy, WELFARE. perhaps shd send stef sun, yeow sun, JJ and ah du to promote local talents. stef will sing We Will Get There:

是否还记得从前美丽水色
shi fou hai ji de cong qian mei li de shui se
那时水很蓝我们的未来都在不远地方晴朗着
na shi shui hen lan wo men de wei lai dou zai bu yuan di fang qing lang zhe
一切都变了河水不再是清澈
yi qie dou bian le he shui bu zai shi qing se
浓浓污水黑黑的河禽流感也就要来了
nong nong wu shui, hei hei de he, qin liu gan ye yao lai le
但谁说不能肩并着肩站稳
dan shui shuo bu neng jian bing zhe jian zhan wen
我们用心和用爱排队让新生水来维生
wo men yong xin he yong ai pai dui rang xin sheng shui lai wei sheng

Chorus:
在我心中我知道这是漫长的等待
zai wo xin zhong wo zhi dao zhe shi man chang de deng dai
好不容易排到这里
hao bu rong yi pai dao zhe li
明天还要更早排队
ming tian hai yao geng zao pai dui

把自己位子给 chope 好全力以赴每一秒
ba zi ji wei zi gei chope hao quan li yi fu mei yi miao
和我的家人和我的朋友
he wo de jia ren he wo de peng you
向着目标手牵手排队等到
xiang zhe mu biao shou qian shou pai dui deng dao

she can also sing songs from her new album:

我要一所大房子
有很多很多的水桶
一个水桶用来冲凉
一个水桶要拿来煮饭
一个水桶拿来洗我的衣服
一个水桶拿来喝水和种田
一个水桶... 一个水桶... 我也不知该做些什么
yeah yee yeah yee yeah...
水桶里面没水...

我们晚上不睡觉回家的路上跌到
小狗在水里奔跑捞起来把它吃掉
度过没水的冬天度过没水的冬天...

maebe can ask Joi Chua to sing 《细水长流》 or ask Ocean who's v famous in s'pore to sing 《污染北半球》. those harbinites sure will remember us s'poreans one... but not +vely bah...

- wat's a performance w/o fireworks? bomb the bloody factory dat caused the toxic spill. as the saying goes: 杀一儆百 (kill one to warn others)

- allow s'porean students studying casino operations to haf some hands-on in providing the svc. dis is exchange. dis is Industrial Attachment. well, the ppl will b bored aniwaes. in return, NUS will take in EVEN MORE of their scholars, ok? wat's 500 more compared to the current 10k scholars? s'pore students cannot make it aniwaes.

- organize a Clean-The-River Campaign to promote team spirit.

- y not kill 2 birds w 1 stone? bring our Proj Superstar FRANCHISE over & ask the ppl Q-ing for water to audition for it too. fellow countrymen will vote thru sms 4 the Superstar most suited to win the exclusive Cut The Queue Privilege, so dat he wun hafta come Q so early in the morning. yay...!

- den they'll compete for Proj Waterboy, Proj Planeteer blah blah blah. heh... can't tink of any oso. lol

- suggested stuff to bring for the Q will b:

i) sleeping bags (tho newspapers also can)

ii) zen neeon (kaoz.. s'pore team leh, of cos muz mkt our local product lah. din creative haf to write off those excess inventories? oh... it's zen micro? yup, better than counting sheep rite? btw, the freaking zen neeon is OOS online liaoz... i wonder if they purposely under-produce to make ppl tink it's popular...)

iii) a freaking laptop to watch Da Chang Jin w fellow villagers

iv) light sticks for the s'porean concert

v) FOOD!!! no food how to survive? maebe shd petition for the organizer to gif buffet... int'l style. s'pore chefs juz won food olympics. we can send them there as our food ambassadors.

vi) PSP/N-Gage/Gameboy

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

i'm feeling all guilty tokking abt dis... wat if kena retribution den how? siaoz... i'm not saying malaysia will pollute our water ok? we r on VERY GOOD TERMS w each other, dun spread rumours and ga-jiao... aniwaes, we haf our other sources of water liaoz, and it's safeguarding these sources dat is impt...

muz suggest to govt to prevent RV from making their students run round Pandan Reservior for 2.4km (hmmm... r they still there??). remember dat yr when my clsmate vomit into the reservoir after the run. kaoz... heng punggol water not from Pandan (i suppose... shit, gotta check).

oh yar... put more of the signboards dat r used in MRT stations to remind ppl dat 'Life is Precious, Think b4 u Jump'. yup... dat v same yr, someone killed herself in Pandan Reservoir (not rv-ian lah).

muz also tell s'poreans to eat wisely, cos wat comes out of us will eventually come back into our mickey mouse mugs...

hmmm... siaoz... spent 2 hrs blogging rather than mugging. SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!

2005-11-25T20:28:00.001+08:00

Today's Not My Day
went to sch today and realized i brought the solns to tut w/o bringing the tut qns itself.came home to find myself winning a pair of passes to the preview of Chicken Little (which i v much wanted to watch) taking place on 22 Nov. turned out dat the letter came in on my b'day, but no one passed to me.my sis was on leave today and rearranged ALL my VCDs which were originally in chronological order. i dunno wat in the hell possessed her to rearrange my stuff (and she din arrange them in any order; juz random take and slot) when all thru'out the history of zenov's reign, repeated once and gain, NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO REARRANGE MY STUFF W/O MY PERMISSION.ESP WHEN THOSE WERE STUFF I HAD PUT IN ORDER.u can borrow my things w/o my permission and put them back in the exact position they were in, in the exact MINT condition. but i DUN TOLERATE FINDING MY STUFF NOT IN THE PLACE I LEFT THEM IN.I AM VERY PARTICULAR ABT THE CERTAIN FORMAT DAT I ARRANGE MY STUFF IN, ESP THOSE DAT R STACKED, QUEUED, SLOTTED IN, CONFORMED TO A GEOMETRIC PATTERN OR R MY PRIZED POSSESSIONS.i may b forgiving if i'm in an ave mood, BUT NOT WHEN I JUZ HAD A V BLOODY HELL OF A DISGUSTING PAPER CALLED PROGRAMMING.

2005-11-13T11:54:00.000+08:00

I'm Not Alone

"An Insight poll of 60 teenagers in Orchard Road this week revealed that 13 - or just over one in five - have had sex.

A survey of 350 undergraduates in 2003 found that one in six had had premarital sex. Another survey by Action For Aids last year found one in four teens surveyed had had sex. " - ST, 12 Nov 2005

as in, i'm not the last virgin in s'pore. duh!

*dat is, ppl 'who had had sex' implies dat 'ppl who had not had sex' were virgins... waha...
*and dat the qn was not phrased in 'haf u had sex in the since last nite??'

2005-10-25T00:03:00.000+08:00

Tender Exchange

waha... it's a lame name to try to infer the meaning of today's subj. dat was the english name of sammi's old song: 《交换温柔》。 well, it's another case of 'incidents w similar theme' popping up in the course of a few days... lol

i tink the saga started few wks back (i've lost track of time. it could b juz last wk, but it felt like wks OREDI.), when moe decided to allocate more funds to allow more students in pri sch level to go on exchange.

den last wk, an ntu student made news when he tansferred to his host sch while ON the exchange trip itself. ie, he was on an exchange by ntu to some US uni, and then he quit ntu and transferred to dat US sch while on the exchange trip.

ppl got v angry. they accused him of wasting garmen's $$$, and depriving other ppl of a chance for exchange. most imptly, he posed a v UNETHICAL eg to other s'poreans.

i hate it when ppl bring up ETHICS. most of the time, ethics is a subjective opinion forced onto another person.

lemme bring up another story heard on fm93.3.

last afternoon, chong qing bot a plate of chicken rice and the towkay was v gd to gove him xtra servings. feng huishi came along, took a look at his dinner and remarked, 'dat's nothing.' cq said it was a case of sour grapes, and i sorta agreed (tho hs may only meant it as a joke and so did cq).

how many ppl haf yearned to go on exchange but was not given the chance to cos they were not up to it? and when an exchange student did something out of the norm, they started to grumble dat he wasted their chance too.

dis, is a form of denial, a form of self comfort. cos EVEN tho the chance was available, there r still hundreds out there Q-ing for the spot. one place out of a few hundred candidates.

and these same ppl believed dat IF they were to b in the same situation, they would not haf 'betrayed' ntu, which implied dat they would not waste the chance bestowed unto them.

dis is, also, a form of self denial. how r they supposed to guarantee dat they would not take the same path too? a rare chance. the US uni could b waving a scholarship b4 his eyes, something dat even ppl who r eligible to go on exchanges will not b able to haf.

and the pastures r definitely greener elsewhere. who has not dreamt of living in a foreign country at some pt of their lives? do not classify dis tot as of a materialistic, unrealistic s'porean, cos everybody makes the same dream, everyone hopes to lead a life different from dat they r living now, even if it was juz for a few mths. s'poreans, malaysians, africans and even americans themselves.

he who does not dream of improving their lives R the ones who r missing out of life.

their lives r boring, pointless and do not worth a single cent.

we're tokking abt living a life, not living as a human.

humans r not void of emotions. we can't b always denying ourselves of our primal calls. of cos, we shd not destroy other lives in answering to our emotions, but we cannot always live in the expectations of others.

looking from the other side of the fence, the ones who r stopping u from dreaming r doing it cos their emotions told them to do so, be it out of care, concern or jealousy. but by preventing others from living their lives due to our personal emotions, aren't we doing harm to their lives too? and isn't ethics a code of conduct we adhere to to ensure dat no one harms another's interests due to personal wants?

now, if the student who transferred to another college is unethical, aren't those ppl who r condemning him, dissuading him and leaving him as unethical?

here's another analogy. consider a dying person. would u want him to die a quick and painless death, or to spend all ur money keeping him alive, so dat he would stay by ur side even tho he could b going thru hell of a time w those life-support machine's tubes down his nose and throats?needles up his arms and neck?

or, if u r dying, would u want to die a painless death or to hang on to stay by ur lover's side, but to exhaust him of his life savings and perhaps give up his career, his life?

i'm getting blurry here. but here's wat: either way, we'll b deemed selfish to persist in doing wat our hearts tell us to do. we mite as well live the life we deemed self-appreciating cos we'll neva get to live it twice over.

*dedicated to a fren who's unsure of wat he shd do: i definitely support u in pursuing wat ur heart desire. prepare for the trip as u would, cos u neva noe when/whether ur parents will give the green lite. u wun want them to agree after the deadline is over and grief over the missed chance. u noe, get urself covered.

2005-10-21T10:19:00.000+08:00

Naturally Endowed, Or Not

i used to believe dat gals r less materialistic as they were portrayed as, since gals i've come into contact w thru my 6 yrs of sec and jc education were quite decent and kind. somehow, life for the past yr has quite proved me wrong. haiz...

rem quite some time ago, noticed a guy who isn't gd-looking, but was always surrounded by eager-looking, hyena-acting gals. in fact, he's plump and looked boorish. turned out dat he drives, and gals r attracted to guys who drive, no matter whether the car belonged to their father or not.

haiz... tot dat since i do not haf a car, perhaps i can b attractive to gals by being better groomed.

got to noe dis guy recently, by meeting, not by name nor introduction. he was rather gd-looking by nature, but he does not dress up or make-up like i do... nor does he drive a car. but still, he attracts gals like a magnet to iron nails, tin nails, steel nails... plastic nails.

haiz... then realized dat gd-looking guys r gd-looking no matter how dressed down and sloppy they are. ie, they still pose as much charm as ugly guys w cars.

now, imagine gd-looking guys who dress well and OWNS a car (and under his name).

thank goodness there aren't a lot of such guys in s'pore, or rather, in nus. either these guys r too lowly-educated (now, IMAGINE gd-looking guys who dress well and OWNS a car, under his name, and r highly-educated...), or they haf been assassinated by inferior guys like me.

most likely the latter, cos i haf plans to push the 2nd guy in qn off E3 (or maebe finish him off in some bushes beside the place where i will always see him. BUT, he hasn't been going for activities), esp if i find dat he owns a car... and defunct the ugly guy's car's brakes.

2005-10-07T21:36:00.000+08:00

元卫觉醒同名专辑

i noe i deserve a beating, but i deduced dat there was a subliminal msg in 《幸福下载》 dat prompted me to search and buy 元卫觉醒's prev/debut album.

yes, it muz b a powerful msg dat i searched for it for 3 days unrelentlessly. and i suppose the msg affected a lot of other buyers also, cos the 4 cd shops i went to were no longer carrying dat album.

wat was worse, it was a copy-protected cd.

wat was the implication? i tink dat making an album copy-protected is literally suicide. like jiang meiqi's latest album ==> when i saw the logo, it turned me off 3 times over dat i saved the 19+ bucks i put aside for it for wks. yep, cos i bot 1 b4 and found dat the cd will b useless when i can't listen it anywhere i want (can't even rip to PC, how to listen while playing games??), i decided neva to buy one again.

so comes the focus: i bot my 2nd copy-protected album.

《元卫觉醒》

ripping wise was ok, w only 1 track affected by the feature. and thank gdness it was a 主打, so i managed to ~~d/l~~ sample it thru ~~morpheus~~ an online song ~~sharing~~ selling store.

see, the failure of copy-protected cd... can't even protect the track properly. and i bet dis was cos y 《幸福下载》 sold better, and of cos, y it was not copy-protected and contains subliminal msgs.

i guess wat's more impt was the content of the album.

basically, cos i bot their 2nd album 1st, and was immensely infatuated w it, my expectations of the 1st album was exceptionally high, which was conversely true.

for me, i will agree dat as their 1st album, it was gd, but in comparison, their debut really sound like a debut --> less refined. cos in the 2nd album, they 'played' w more kinds of genre and techniques.

and atmosphere-wise, the 2nd album was in sync w my desire for music dat could lift my spirits; there were more ballads in the 1st album, and not much funkiness too.

still, rec tracks will b 《斗鱼》, an addictively nice to listen track, 《靠近》, which was catchy and light. 'Let It Go', which was encouraging and bubbly.

2005-09-29T20:01:00.000+08:00

Review of 《丝路》 Review

u noe how the 1st impressions can b rather inaccurate. as i'd mentioned, 《丝路》 was not an album like 元卫觉醒's 《幸福下载》 or wilber's 《高手》 dat could induce me to listen to it 3x a day for 1 mth (i neva tot i could not get sick of listening to it!), it has 3 v touching songs dat induced me to listen to them over and over 3 times in a row. in terms of preference:

1) 我还记得
2) 可惜不是你
3) 因为还是会

《幸福下载》 vs

《丝路》

1 is super k, like 《分手快乐》, u'll feel v happy juz singing along to the song. and cos the lyrics were of sch days, it was really v heartwarming...

actually, i liked 2 better than 1 in terms of lyrics, cos it was v beautiful also. the 1st verse goes:

这一刻突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天今天同时在放映
我这句语气原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据

it really describes the kind of loss, emptiness...

and 3 was gd in terms of lyrics also, but cos the tempo was super slow, it takes some time to warm up to it. and when it does, it really touches the heart.

有时候觉得没什么不同
可能从来没有忘记过
。。。。。。

有时候想放手向现实低头
以后就重新来过
却没有把握
因为还是会
有想他的一股冲动

perhaps, in short, 1 is for k-ing, while 2 and 3 is best to b listened to at nite, all lights off, all by urself. and when u feel like crying, juz cry to the melody.

of cos, i haf favouritism. i highlighted these 3 songs, and duncha tink they haf the same theme? they're not abt breaking up, but some time after breaking up. they showed dat life will neva b the same again after dat r/s.

and to b fair, 《瘦瘦的》，《好夜晚 Gd nite》 & 《很久以后》 r v nice. 1st 2 can sing w frens, and song 3, listen oredi noe it's peggy hsu's song.

2005-09-28T16:56:00.000+08:00

10-min Self Pix

91 shots in 10 min, which was basically snap-check-snap-check. aniwaes, in my usual style, shall recap the events dat led to dis record.

decided to attend lect on tue morning, after pontang for 3 wks. tot dat since the fear had somehow subsided, i shd somehow start to attend lect again.

unfortunately, even as the fear within me had subsided, the Reason for Fear was there. as usual, the set of faces of u-noe-whos were there. the lecturer was freakish and boring. i could go thru wat he tot in 1 hr in 15 min. and he skip here skip there.

so yes, like dat fri, i ran away from lt 16 barely 1 hrs after setting foot in it.

came home psychologically disturbed and couldn't conc on work. so i ~~stole~~ borrowed my sis' cam and started snapping away. was pleased w my image at dat pt of time. like i told ly, xy and fred during dat morning buffet, self-pixing was a chore cos i haf to 'make-up' for it, which was y i haven't been doing dat lately.

and speaking of hair, was rather devastated w my new hairstyle. cos u see, i quite liked my new hairstyle, which won compliments like zai-zai, taiwanese and ABC.

b4 hair cut

but it was getting thick and unsettling, so i went for a trim. no, i decided to change hairstyle instead, so i told the hairdresser dat i wanted to 'c my ears'.

i guess she was too used to working on students, so she showed my ears w a standard slope above it, which made me look like a dorky student.

dorky new hair cut

it was only a few days later dat i got the hang of handling my hair and managed to make it look less dorky. but i still look like a gal aniwaes.

improved new hair cut on Day 3

aniwaes, watched 《女人我最大》 on ch 54 last fri. learnt dat i shd blow-dry my hair after washing my hair, so dat it will stay 'obedient'. and in fact, it was the best time to 'style' my hair for the following day (the effect stays for abt a day, tried and tested)

oh... back to my topic, i picked up the cam and started snapping w/o tinking. (pls ignore the messy background)

oops!!! pic w sexy shoulders EXPOSED!!!

and realized dat altho my hair was set, my shoulders weren't ready. ha... but do i look sexy??

donned the polo-t i picked up from a sale the day b4. liked it a lot, in terms of looks and price. and it helped produce the 1st nice photo.

amazingly, the 1st pic was the best, which i couldn't replicate in any way.

i like dis pic cos i looked slim. yup, see the contours of my chin? such effect make the features look sharper, thus slimmer. was quite impressed dat i got it at the 1st shot. proceeded to take a similar shot of the other side of my face.

2nd best, w my rite side of the face...

well, not dat gd, but considering how bad the rest of the pix were, it was gd. haiz... hand got quite shaky and couldn't get the angle rite.

so i tried a diff way of taking, from using 2 hands to 1.

roy chiu??

dunno who roy chiu is? look above! ha...

and took a pic which portrayed me as a man who's serious about love...

looking deep...

well, the focus of the pic was to show off my new necklace. u see, i copied the idea from 是元介, and spent quite some effort getting the stuff to DIY. saved abt $5... hee...

and wat's photo-taking w/o a toothy smile?

big smile

and after looking sexy, cool, melancholic and lovelorn, we shd turn lively. and here's a i-gotcha look.

hmmm...

and the muz haf crooked smile dat most male celebs like to show.

crooked smile

and of cos, finally, my fav way of taking pix: mirror shots.

and the mirror shot

2005-09-27T13:28:00.000+08:00

Albums Review

spent some bucks on some china imported cds. in fact, i bot 4. well, they were worth it. in fact, they cost even less than the 'special discount' offered to nus students by soundbuzz.

Fish ~ Si Lu

it was a superb album, i muz say. when i 1st looked at the lyrics of 《丝路》 on the mrt, i was shocked by the 1st sentence:

如果流浪是你的天赋那么你一定是我最美的追逐

oh my gosh...

reviewed the album back at home and was very pleased at the album. 《丝路》 only excelled in the lyrics by ah xin, but the melody reminded me of jolin's 《独占神话》。《我还记得》 was a v nice song abt meeting of a broken up couple 10 yrs after. the melody and tone in the chorus was along the line of 《无条件为你》， but it was a nice song aniwaes. 《瘦瘦的》 & 《好夜晚 Good Nite》 were 2 gd songs suitable for singing w frens. hmmm...

Energy ~ Zui Hou De Le Yuan

pls do not b surprised. i tot a boy gp like them will haf songs like 元卫觉醒. but i was wrong. half the album were ballads, cheesy ballads dat were not catchy at all, except perhaps for the 主打《眼泪的味道》. the fast tracks were like... sianz. haiz... they dun sound happy for We Are Family, nor do they sound complicated w 《天与地》. i wonder if they've always been like dis, or it's an after effect from Toro's leave.

Zhao Wei ~ Piao

Zhao Wei ~ Shuang

well, i muz say dat a song doesn't represent an album, juz as gd reviews from 'experts' dun reflect my taste (tink: 陶子's 《走路去纽约》). i like 《渐渐》, i tink it was superb, but the rest of the album was boring. i regretted buying TWO of her albums juz cos of 1 song. haiz...

2005-09-23T22:02:00.000+08:00

Dread

i dread going to sch...

i dread going to National University of China (Singapore Campus), NUCS, and look at a class full of PRCs, listen to their beijing-accented english and breath the air they breathed...

y is a state univ, which was catered for singaporeans, now 80% full of foreigners, who were 90% of PRCs... ???

2005-09-23T10:32:00.000+08:00

My Mood On Wed Was Exponential

i started the day by slacking at home all morning+afternoon, not picking up my notes or wat. then rushed off to csl pre-activity dinner.

the pace was quite slow, partly cos i was reluctant to open up dat day. it was like the onli person whom i felt like tokking to was tokking to someone else. and the guy beside me looked very AS. i dunno wat to say to overcome my initial fear.

then there were the incident of mixed-up food where we couldn't figure out whose food was food, cos the real things dat came r really diff from wat the menu pictured! aniwaes, near the end of the dinner, the four of us (the other 4 were too far and they were engrossed in the psychology-incorporated-w-computing solo-tok by gam) went into a who looked like who. hmmm... someone actually said my hair looked like zai-zai!!! whoa! i muz go plastic surgery to improve my features next.

at csl, the pace for the maf celebration picked up rather slowly. cos i was still unfamiliar w the kids and the place. the blanket game was rather chaotic and i dinno how to control the kids.

csl start

budden, was rather surprised dat the kid i tot last wk, called huimin, actually recognized me. and she was proudly (i HOPE) pointing me out to her frens, 'noh! dat gor-gor who teach me last wk!!"

it was during the pomelo peeling game dat my mood picked up.

was able to start conversation w the kids (btw, my gp was made up of pure boys who were like monkeys; they juz couldn't settle down...). i realized dat being w kids meant to b shouting at the top of our voices 100% of the time. and after the contest, i realized dat the pomelo is a v enduring fruit which could withstand the grappling, clawing and hurtling of 6 impatient boys.

dis is one of the better photos dat captured almost all the boys in the gp... haiz... poor don's head become balloon...

and then it was the dress-up competition ==> the whole place went into a state of anarchy. effectively, my gp was left w 2 oldest boys helping out, cos the 3 youngest ones were so restless they were practically flying all over the place. the last one, the model himself was so restless dat it was a feat trying to dress him up as he fidget abt.

don all dressed up... my photo-taking skill bad, all my pix r blurry...

so i was like helping the guys dress up, while having to tend to the littler ones' requests as they tried to dress themselves up. and they were quite pissed w me, cos i couldn't split myself up and decided to concentrate on doing the 'proper' stuff. but, as u noe, kids r so forgiving, dat at the next moment, they were showing off their makeover to me (obviously, they found someone who was kind (and free) enuf to bother themselves w dressing them up) and crawling all over me.

ultra-active shawn who sat on my laps all of a sudden. but it was gd, cos i was able to 'lock' him down and stopped him from running abt...

the adrenaline and dophamine rush kept me at an all-time hi thru-out the nite, dat i actually had the desire to drink something SWEET. it has been some time since i converted to sugarless diet dat i actually coveted for sugar.

shawn, dave, julian, don

went home, and psycho-ed someone to go home taking 147, ie, take bus w me to hougang central. it was farnie, dat it seemed dat there were no one else w us. i wonder where the others were. hmmm... wondered if she was intimidated by me. later she treat me as a wolf how??

the ultimate gp photo. 3rd from my rite was huimin, whom i tutored last wk. someone's in front of me. i din realize it at dat pt of time...

conclusion of the day?? the pomelo is a very enduring fruit. oh... and i lost my voice.

2005-09-21T10:54:00.000+08:00

Let's Speak BoMbAsTiC English

realized dat s'poreans haf been submerged in a buzz about super CHIM english dat most of us haf neva heard of in our decades (on ave) of life?

juz abt half a yr ago, the whole city was engrossed in pronouncing, defining and making sentence (habit from GP, cannot blame lah) w the word called DESPOT.

during dat time, i heard different ppl pronouncing the word in different accents, tones, pitch, and of cos pronunciation. there's des-POT, deh-po (as in depot), de-spot and blah blah blah... i searched the net and found the official pronunciation from oxford dict: des (as in 'des' from desk), pet (the 'ate' in desperate, w a 'p' in front).

whoa! but i bet dat when i pronounce the word in front of somebody, someone will definitely come round and say, "u r wrong!", it's "......"

u noe, some smartass...

and lately, a new word has sprung up and created a 'climate of fear'...

SEDITION/SEDITIOUS

i am ESPECIALLY afraid... cos i'm SEDITIOUS by nature and by nuture towards the RACY issue.

i couldn't find the pronunciation for it (forgot how i found the pronunciation for DESPOT the other time...), but i suppose this word is more intuitive in pronunciation than despot.

i prefer to call it SE (as in sedative)-DI(as in dick)-TIOUS (as in conscientious).

b a smartass myself.

aniwaes, notice how both words were sparked off (let's consider the white elephant issue, tho it din spark off any WORD-BUZZ)?

yes, all of them were sparked off by SMARTASSes, which will b the Word-of-the-Day.

some smartass challenged the ELDER and backed off unsportingly when he was challenged back. and he used the word 'despot' s.t most of the ppl on the spot (as well as the rest of s'poreans) lost track of the debate.

nice try. everybody was so lost s.t no one bothered to laugh at him when he scooted back to his seat.

then, some smartass dialled 999 (the EMERGENCY number) to report something so mundane, so trivial and so NONE OF HIS FUCKING BUSINESS.

it wasn't as if the white elephants will go off in an hr and his hse was in the 10m radius vicinity.

it wasn't as if he was an all-pure pacificist who loves everybody and sees everyone as equal.

PWEEEE!!!

if he were to b so HOLY, he wouldn't haf did something as sneaky and cowardly as to sabo ppl.

yup, see, i haf given some instances of smartass. to b exact, smartasses r ppl who tot the best of themselves and nothing else. ie, they tink they're smart/capable/ethical/holy/all of the above...

now, when was the time where u see/noe of an ass dat tinks, much less is smart. obviously, these ppl r nothing but full of shit.

but even if they got rid of their shit, they'd still b empty inside. no use, smartasses are asses no matter wat u do to them... haiz...

2005-09-19T08:06:00.000+08:00

Phone Rules

last nite, received 4 missed calls, 2 in my new number, 2 in my old. i admit dat i've been missing a lot of calls of late, but the main reason was dat i left my phone in my bedroom and i didn't hear the ringing. and yesterday was such a case.

but so wat? the person called from home, ie, the number starts w 6. unless i noe the owner to the number, there's no way i would pick up the call.

other than dat, i had 2 voicemails, both times of which the caller (of the missed calls) breathed into my phone and hung up.

the moral of the story??

Personally, i dun pick up calls of which i can't establish the id of the caller.

Generally, if it's so urgent dat u can dial 4 times to 2 different numbers, y can't u juz leave a voicemail PROPERLY and identify urself so i can get back to u when i come ard?? u noe, juz say,

hi, i'm XXX, pls call YYYY YYYY. it's regarding blah-blah-blah...

and it takes 3 seconds, compared to re-dialling 4 times and wasting 2s breathing into the voicemail. and it gets things done, except not in the direct, forthright way.

yup, 3rdly, if u still dun like the idea/haf no intention of leaving voice msgs, CUT THE LINE B4HAND, will ya? u noe how much phone bill it incurs to listen to 2s of breathing in voicemails?? besides, it's like someone asked to mit u, but u said u r busy at the moment and requests the visitor to leave a note stating WAT/WHY/WHERE/WHEN, so dat u can settle the meeting when u r free and not waste each other's time.

and all u get on the note was a portrait of a TURTLE.

PULEEZ...

only serial killers breathes into phones, voicemails or not.

if i was not clear, let's go thru this again.

if i dun pick up ur call:

1) and u're calling from home/pte numbers, pls id urself thru voicemail or sms so i can get back to u. consequently, try calling from ur hp.

2) if it's urgent, pls sms me or lve a voicemail so i noe i SHD get back to u.

3) PLS dun call successively. if i'm not ard to pick up ur call, I'M NOT ARD TO PICK UP UR CALL. the chances of me shitting this sec and picking up ur re-dial the next is SMALL. minutesimally small. call back 30 min later.

4) if u called to chat w me, sorry, but i dun like chatting on the phone. most prob i'll b stoning on my end of the line. but b sensible, i wun b able to forecast dat u will b chatting w me s.t i'd choose not pick up the call. juz try conning me into chatting and i'll do my part to end it.

5) finally, if it's ULTRA urgent and u predict dat most prob i wun pick up ur call in the next 1.5 hrs or so, y dun u come up to Punggol and pay me a visit? Punggol isn't far, wat w NEL... besides, i haf refreshements at home so we can trash things out over a cuppa and a mooncake.

if u're directed to voicemails,

1) it's onli polite to say sth if u ACCIDENTALLY stumbled into the voicemail section. u noe, even if u dun say the 4 Ws, at least tell me who u r so dat i noe who to get back to.

2) otherwise, u can sing into the phone, for my entertainment, for u to ventilate at not getting me, and for the chance dat i can id u thru ur singing.

3) my delay time is 15s. if u dun wanna lve voice msgs, hang up at the 14th sec. the chances of me picking up the call at the 15th sec is 1/15 multiply by the minutesimally micro chance of me shitting at the 14th sec and picking up ur call at the 15th, multiply by the infinitesimally nano chance of me hearing the phone ringing in the bedroom from the 5.1 home theatre system-enabled+activated living room.

4) dun breathe into the phone. or make any funny sound like scratching the blackboard w ur fingernails or the likes or Ring-O. i dun believe in ghosts, if dat's wat u're trying to tell me.

in conclusion, read the fahking entry again if u still dun get it.

2005-08-25T22:08:00.000+08:00

Pirates of the Currybean

龙龙 time ago, in the township of zenövia!, there was a restaurant famous for a unique dish called Currybean. it was a mixture of various legumes in a pot of curry.

now, Currybean was so popular dat everybody wanted to eat it every other day, for birthdays, for new yr's and every special occasion dat comes ard. ppl out of zenövia!, from all over the country flocked to Loser's juz for the ever-famous Currybean.

however, no one knew how to make curry as smooth and fragrant, and beans as chewy as Loser's. the owner of Loser's was v secretive of the recipe and refused to reveal the ingredients of the popular dish, cos he was afraid dat he'd lose his customers both from competition and from the fact dat ppl wld prepare their own Currybean instead of patronizing his restaurant,

all good things muz come to an end.

it goes dat one day, a brilliant boy called zenöv figured out the ingredients and procedures to make Currybean. in fact, it was so easy to make, anyone w a pot and stove can replicate the dish in a jiffy.

of cos, zenöv , being a gd-hearted boy, shared the discovery w his family and frens, and the news spread like wild fire.

the townfolk realized dat Loser's had been ripping them of their money by marking up the price of a dish dat cost so little in ingredients and efforts. from then on, ppl would rather prepare their own Currybean instead of going to Loser's.

they even organized Currybean-sharing parties to share the Currybean they made and the tips they learned.

and of cos, Loser's business revenues fell, and took a more serious tumble when competitors sprang up offering even cheaper alternatives. it turned out dat ppl outside of zenövia! also got to noe of the recipe. they figured out cheaper ways of making Currybean and imported them into zenövia! at an even cheaper price, under-cutting every restaurants selling Currybean.

the owner of Loser's was indignant, so he tried various ways to retain his customers. 1st, he refused to let ppl 打包 his improved version of Currybean. and then he made all his customers register their names when they buy Currybean from Loser's, so dat if he suspected of someone pirating his dish, he could take him to court. and then he made a rule dat all his customers could only buy a serving of Currybean for their own consumption only. he even went all out to install cameras and hired security guards to ensure dat no one is sharing his portion of Currybean w someone who din order one.

but the situation went from bad to worse. ppl find dat it wasn't worthwhile to put up w all these nonsense in addition to the hefty price tag. so they gradually boycott Loser's who produced the original Currybean and supported the cheaper, fuss-free substitutes instead.

dat was the last straw for the owner of Loser's and so he went to the city council and filed a charge against zenöv, against him for enabling ppl to b able to prepare Currybean on their own, thereby affecting his business. he reasoned dat Currybean was his invention, his intellectual property, dat only he has the rite to prepare and sell every single dish of Currybean in the world.

dis was, after all, an attempt to blame a sucker for his inability to innovate and find a new way out of his dwindling business.

"Pirates! Pirates! they haf stolen my Currybean!" he yelled before the mayor.

so zenöv said, "if u were the only person fit to sell Currybean, does dat make every other person in zenövia!, outside of zenövia! who makes their own Currybean illegimate too?"

"ah budden?!" the owner of Loser's wailed. "everybody! those who cooked it in their restaurants, in their homes and those who send my secret recipes to those who dun haf. all of u: Pirates!"

"so u mite as well put everybody in the country into jail, cos EVERYONE IS MAKING THEIR OWN CURRYBEAN, and sharing and selling the Currybean they made by themselves." zenöv retorted. "come on lah, i din steal the recipe as if u wrote in on a pc of paper... i din look at u prepare ur Currybean secretly.

"all i did was to figure out the way to do it by putting some ingredients into a pot. u mite as well sue my pot for churning out my ver of Currybean. u mite as well ban all pots cos they helped ppl make their own Currybeans. u mite as well ban all lunchboxes cos ppl use it to carry their Currybean ard and share w their frens."

"a thief is a thief! and to tink u haf the cheek to come up w all these distorted reasonings to cover the fact dat u r a thief!"

"CCB... u urself dunno how to cope w competition then blame me. want to blame ur backside for not helping u keep ur business or not?"

KNOCK! KNOCK!

the mayor slammed the table hard with his palm. he cleared his throat and stared at zenöv, "u little imp. i find dat the owner is rite for defending his invention. so u stop trying to defend urself in vain. i hereby sentence u to compensate Loser's $1 for everybody who noes the recipe, as royalty. from then on, u can only sell the recipes and pay Loser's $1 royalty for every recipe sold. understand?!"

"arh... f**k care. u stop me, u can't stop the world. there will b more ppl like me who will share the recipes and organize Currybean parties..." zenöv walked off w the admonition.

but the owner of Loser's stopped him and said, "u bloody arsehole. u noe $$$ pay me i sue u go to jail!"

zenöv dropped his pants and said, "i'm all ready to go and squat in jail, bleah!!!"

p/s: the ending sux, i admit, but i was getting to nowhere... =P

2005-08-22T16:20:00.000+08:00

The Chances to Err

after consulting 《伊林男模的异想世界》, and spending a gd 20 min of experimenting in the afternoon, w/o the pressure of time limit and facing the world, i finally figured out how to get THAT HAIRSTYLE DAT seemed to b accomplish-able by hairstylists... haha...

HAHAHAHAHAHA......

really, sometimes, ppl nid juz time to themselves and the freedom & liberty to find the right way out, especially if there's no one else to turn to... (well, i dunno a lot of ppl who r able to style their hair the way i wanted...)

which is something i hate abt this place i'm living. it's so conformistic, it's so herd-orientated, it's so perfect.

yup, perhaps the perfection is the root of all -ves of dis place.

so perfect is dis island dat there's no chance to experiment and err. if i take a certain rd, i'd haf to follow it thru, cos if i fail, i'm condemned for life. maebe i can do it all over again or maebe uican try a different route. but i'd b lagging behind and the rest of the cohort will b taunting me.

yes, the plus side of these is dat i can choose wateva route i want, provided dat i excel in it. maebe i shd haf taken bio in jc, maebe i shd haf gone to poly, maebe i shd haf applied for a plumber's license.

but how in the 1st place am i to make dat decision so early in life? when i haf no idea wat the real world out there?

yup, juz now, it dawned to me dat i SHD haf taken medicine, cos s'pore lacks it and the healthcare costs juz wun come down. w a 'silver' society, the dd for healthcare is escalating. but did i noe better??

and cos of the fear of failure (or in nicer terms, to increase the chance of success), we were told and encouraged to take part in team work. learn from my peers, share my ideas to generate synergy, enlarge my social circle so i haf more ppl to learn from...

am i learning from them or am i imitating them? after all, all accomplished artists start from imitating famous artworks. but as the whole society begins to take a general form, will it lead us to a downturn?

remembered reading in Jurrassic Park: The Lost World dat the civilization dat will evolve and advance the most will b the small, isolated ones. and dat cos of WWW, the sharing of info has caused ppl to become more uniformed in their thinking and behaviour. and according to Darwin's Theory of Evolution, it's the differences within a species dat push evolution forward.

and as we become more conformistic, we lose the desire to b step out of the box, even for a nano-second. or rather, the fear sets w a heavier punch. a vicious cycle, we mite say. and in no time, it's no longer caused by anything, but becomes out of habit.

once, a scientist captured 5 gorillas and put them in a windowless rm. in the middle of it was a bunch of bananas hung from the ceiling. but everytime a gorilla tries to get it to eat, the scientist wld spray heavy jets of water at it remotely.

time went and the gorillas knew better than to go near the bunch of bananas.

one day, one of the gorilla died and the scientist replaced it w another wild type. the new gorilla was v tempted to eat the bananas, but was apprehensive, cos the other gorillas who got here earlier than it din try to eat it. there muz b something abt the bananas dat put them at bay.

time came and went and gorillas died and were replaced. soon, there were a whole new batch of gorillas. one day, a new gorilla was introduced to the batch. the gorilla wanted to eat the bananas too, but saw dat the others din bother to even look at the bananas. so, being a zenovistic gorilla, it asked the others y they din go take the bananas.

but no one could ans him, cos dis was the behaviour passed down from the prev gorillas; they dinno the real reason behind dat behaviour.

ironically, as much as i hate to conform, i'm guilty of being a conformist right from the start.

how many engineers r there in s'pore? how many more budding ones? how many ppl like to sing ktv, dress like they were hoping to get star-struck, style their hair as if it was worth a 1000 dollars?

i'm juz one of them following the trends.

i jumped out of a box juz so to step into another mainstream box.

2005-08-10T14:19:00.000+08:00

My Fav Nat'l Day Song...

wat is nat'l day w/o the 爱国歌曲 (Love Country Song)?? but while most of the songs out there were crappy, esp in the recent yrs, there were some dat i still like.

like "This is my Country". i noe, v old, v cheesy, but it was v significant, v motivating. the starting was oredi v touching, "There was a time, when ppl said dat s'pore wun make it, BUT WE DID". imagine finding hip-hop singers filming a modern day MV of it, they'd raise their magic fingers at "BUT WE DID".

but really. i guess most ppl haf known the phrase dat s'pore is a nation by accident, and it was really v apt for us. we neva meant to b independent, cos we expected dat we'll perish if we strike out on our own.

perhaps it was a political game dat we were kicked out. the other party also expected dat we, the whole island of chinese, would perish some time into the future. but like some ppl who underestimates their opponents, they literally dropped a heavy stone at their feet, and dis little stone has grown stronger, edgier and sassier over the yrs.

and then, there was stef's 一起走到 (amazingly, after the early yrs of socialistic eng songs, the chinese versions were shining better than the eng versions, in the midst of cries dat chinese lang is losing ground in s'pore).

yup, in a time of low, we need some motivating song again. it was unlike "This is my country", where the audience were the group of blue-collared workers who juz want a stable life. now, we're talking abt picking up from where we fell and striving ahead. after all, ppl r waiting to c us fall, and it's juz not us to admit defeat juz like dat.

lastly, of cos was the classic of all s'porean songs, "家". unlike "一起走到", which was only relevant in economic gloom, the song is suitable to sing anywhere, anytime. and cos it doesn't haf the socialistic, cheesy verses like 'i love s'pore' or 'we can strive to the end', anyone can sing it w/o getting glares from ppl ard, whenever we feel like voicing out our love for the country.

dat day, also read abt the rise of china. some ppl tink dat the peranakan culture will b reabsorbed into the chinese influence, ie they will revert to chinese culture passed from china, juz like other chinese-evolved cultures in the past. 4got wat eg he raised, juz dat chinese immigrants and their evolving cultures r not new to the recent centuries.

of cos i was indignant. we're no longer living in the time where borders r drawn according to ethnicity and expanded through conquer or colonization. like i said b4, the dreams of returning to china 'gloriously' died when we were thrown into independence. our forefathers took on the challenge to build a home out of a wasteland and it's our duty to keep to it. of cos, dis is a paradox, where we cut our ties w china, but still hold on to certain values, values of which some r not practised by modern china.

budden, let's sing '家' again and take a look at the metropolis we live in. it's not dat s'pore is more advanced, cos china has cities dat r on par w us. it's not dat we're being ingrateful by not returning to our roots, cos a sapling can neva revert to a seed and all other chinese immigrants r living happy as they r. it's the feeling, our attachment to this place we grew up in, where we got to noe our 1st and best frens, shed our tears, fought for our freedom, etc.

we're not living in a house, like our grandfathers treated s'pore then, but we're in a home. i can accept ppl coming to my home and ask to become my family. but i can't accept ppl who come to my home and proclaim it doesn't belong to us and dat we r supposed to move and return to THEIR home.

similarly, i can accept ppl who r searching for a new home to take a rest at my abode, to set off again when they've recovered their energy. but not those who stay at my home, claim to b my family, take advantage of my hospitality to leapfrog into another home, juz like a bloodsucker will do. well, we dun welcome u.

FINALLY, it's s'pore's b'day mth. we stop to admire our efforts and prepare for another yr of hardship, to build a home dat is UNIQUELY OURS.

Happy Birthday. muacks!

2005-08-08T09:30:00.000+08:00

打扮是一种礼貌

woa!!! yesterday's 美丽艺能界 was another memorable one. 伊能静 got another of Catwalk's Headliner Male Model called 李至正 and i muz say it really takes a lot of divinity to become a top model... hmmm... 伊能静 really noe how to diversify her range of audiences... and of cos, satisfy her regular ones...

and then the guy said the above subj title: 打扮是一种礼貌. well, dat's one line i'll remember to reply to those who asks me y i've grown to b so hiao... well, to groom myself is my way of courtesy to others... ha...

somehow i found myself reliving teenagehood again... or rather, going thru a late teenagehood. i've grown to 爱美 again and physiologically, i've become more sleepy-headed. appetite grew, but i doubt my ht is gonna increase lah. but somehow, this phase is more of a psychological one than physical.

rem when i was in my teens, i wanted to b like others, but i couldn't, so i missed out a lot. dressing up in cool clothings and buying albums. i was basically restricted by my low allowance.

now, however, i haf more flexibility financially and is able to spend $$ on things i've neva had the chance to spend on. and esp in a pitch to maintain my youthfullness (yes, i feel age is catching up and i'm afraid i'll soon join the ranks of boring, dull working cls...). i'm doing things dat'll make myself more presentable and of cos, will make me more attractive to all ppl. (I HOPE)

aniwaes, so here i am, reliving my teenagehood and hoping dat i wun make another mess out of it. basically, it's now more of vanity than 修养, cos i find dat it's useless, and dat i'm not gonna shine w my sub-standard intelligence. gotta diversify to survive.

last but not least, i appeal dat ppl shd groom up no matter wat.

"只要踏出门就是给别人看的" -- my say.

2005-08-04T20:09:00.000+08:00

I Watched 《七剑》

hmmm... in view of the respond from ppl dat they wun want to watch Seven Swords (SS), i decided to go watch it dis afternoon by myself instead. well, dis is gd, at least i wun wait hopelessly for someone to watch it w me...

aniwaes, went to sch dis morning to go buy 2nd hand txtbk from a PRC. haiz... no choice lah. and the mudderfarka had the audacity to claim dat he hurt his toe, so wld want me to go all the way to pgp to mit him. so... i shifted the transaction from yesterday to today.

ermz... sensing dat the 10-second transaction wasn't quite justifiable for a 3-hr train ride, i decided to make full use of the day for some leisure. and between Charlie & the Choc Factory and SS, i decided on the latter for the abovementioned reason. and considering how much i liked Tsu Hark's films, i decided i wun miss it no matter wat.

went to Great World since it's out of the way ==> not much crowd. haiz... it turned out dat s'poreans r really more into easy-to-digest horror flicks, comedies & cheesy korean drama than serious martial arts film. there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema.

aniwaes, reviews haf been less forgiving. the reviewers tend to compare the film w Tsu Hark's old works. however, as a Gen-Y kid, i haf neva watched the films they compared to. instead, i found the fighting scenes v gd to my standard.

as usual, Tsu Hark's fighting scenes r quite hard to follow, but i understand i muz not stick to my habit of trying to figure out who was 'showing off' his fighting skills. ermz... dis is esp so considering dat there r SEVEN swordsman... i dun even really noe who was who...

and i suppose my standard of reviewing has increased. i find the corridor fight between Chu Zhao Nan (i suppose his angmoh name is Syonan-Chu...) most captivating, which was on par with reviewers, except dat they still consider dat inferior to the fight scene in Wong Fei Hong. haha... i dun remember the fight scenes in WFH to comment lah. but considering dat Tsu Hark made it a point not to haf fight scenes dat requires wiring, i'm deeply impressed at the choreography of the fighting... they were spectacular and believable (tink Wo Hu Cang Long's flying above bamboos. now, dat is NOT believable... heh...)

and then, contrary to my expectations, the snow-capped mountain scene was super limited. haiz... but the remaining of the show really made up for my disappointment.

hmmm... i dunno wat to review actually, except to say dat ppl who like sword-fighting axn films shd not miss it.

2005-08-03T09:34:00.000+08:00

Went to School... for F***?!?!

yup, yesterday, tue, went back to sch even tho there were no lect. went to print notes, buy txtbks and retrieve locker.

but i tink any sound-minded local students wun b like me; the only locals i saw were those in orientation camps. poor things. screaming childish cheers like idiots.

so i was in the very crowded CL, but v little locals. mostly foreigners, but mainly PRCs. haiz... we shd really change our name to NUB... Bei-Da. xiao boh... they all arrive in s'pore so early and spending their time doing tutorials liaoz. look, s'poreans NOT KIASU ok... we're actually World No. 2...

lemme compare the situations in nus during special term (ST) and now, 0 wk of sem 1.

there r less ppl in ST than now, but all i c, esp in FOS were PRCs. looks like NUS not only haf a lot of PRCs students, but also employs a lot of them. i can only come up w 2 explanations: 1) these suckers r repaying NUS for all the grants they got during their uni yrs dat US s'poreans haf been paying for. (note the 'HAF', it means we're still doing it NOW, k...)

2) the scam is dat NUS is paying them back the $$ they spent studying in NUS in the form of employment. in short, we're the SUCKERS who r still trying to carry their balls in the hope dat they will help us enter china's mkts.

and the most bloody-sucking fact is dat these PRCs will b flying to US after they fulfill their commitment here. so r we tapping into a NEW MAJOR chinese mkt or the same ol' mkt at uncle sam's??

wat better way to describe our sucking loser act than w a CHINESE IDIOM??

Tou Ji Bu Zhao Shi Ba Mi...

and wat better way to explain the saying than telling a story??

it goes dat zenov has been going without food dat he grew very thin...

ok... i cheated. some graphical technicalities haf been applied to make his body look longer... k?

and then he was so desperate dat he decided to scour for food. he saw a farmer on pulau ubin and decided dat he could steal some of his chickens. he sneaked up to the old and weather-torn coop and adjusted himself for the prance. he took a deep breath and opened his mouth wide. at the count of 3, he leapt into the air and crashed into the coop, thrashing abt in the hope of catching 1 chicken...

BUT ALAS!!! he dinno dat AVA had removed all chickens on the island, and so instead of chicken, he dug into a pile of leftover rice grains dat were the chickens' food.

so... understand the story? instead of stealing chickens, zenov had a meal of rice (excl the possibility of liver failure from taking Slim10...).

oh... back to my earliest subset, even tho there r more ppl walking abt in 0wk, they r still mostly foreigners. i tink NUS has the habit of cheating students to come here early and rot (not in the case of PRCs, rem, they r doing tutorials...)

but thankfully, the increase of foreigners incl ppl OUT OF PRC, eg mauritius and africa. one thing abt them is dat they bring in another form of fashion trend into the sch. i dun mean they suck, cos they r really more daring in a sense. s'poreans, despite being v trend-conscious, tend to follow trends in a herd. ie, u c a whole sea of rebonded hair in one season and a sea of ayumi hamasaki wannabes in the next. being trendy doesn't mean being clones of each other...

but on the other hand, i look forward to next wk when the locals will start flooding NUS and sorta balance the proportions here (haiz... we're still considered as 'Others' together w our mauritian and african counterparts, wat w the existence of the major gp of PRCs...). like i said, even tho locals tend to look like one another, at least we try to make ourselves look presentable. together, we make the campus look more aesthetically desirable, to cancel out the effects of PRCs...

eh heh... so... dat's all 4 today. din mean to become so yakky, but juz lost control. but rem, since N'l Day's coming, let's spend a day to reflect our role as a s'porean and decide whether or not we shd trample our national dignity in mindless pursuit of wooing PRCs... ciao!!!

2005-08-01T17:39:00.000+08:00

English Pop

i haf concluded tentatively dat besides Westlife's cheesy ballads (eh... dat's wat i heard from my fren b4 i got acquainted w them. it's esp so for Seasons In the Sun, which i concluded is a v touching song...) i haf grown to love Justin Timberlake.

the basis of the conclusion was dat i haf no rejection to none of his songs. yup, unlike Westlife, where i'd rather leave some of their mp3 i d/l in the 'storerm', i find dat i can listen to his songs anytime and not feel like throwing a punch at anybody.

PERHAPS i shd elaborate a li'l more. u noe, for most artistes, i may not like 100% of their songs in the album, partly cos of the quality and partly due to my taste. even for sammi, my dearest, i haf songs where i'd leave out in my playlists (luckily most of them belong to the long-gone canto-pop era of the early 90s...). as for other singers whom i d/l their mp3, the rate of appreciation also lingers in the 50%.

therefore, it's really a rare sight dat i din reject any of Justin's songs dat i d/l (for record sake, those in dis Hall of Fame includes Gigi Leung (cos i only d/l songs i confirm i liked...), Hua-er (same reason as above...), Karen Mok & Wang Fu, excl those whom i only d/l 1 of their mp3...).

therefore, i shd commemorate his 'achievement' w an entry. cheers!!! i half-expect myself to buy his album soon...

2005-07-12T00:55:00.000+08:00

Working For (With) Women

well, there'll always b grouches in wateva we do, be it study or work. one thing i recognize, is dat most probs come from gals... or guys w womenly tinking... hee... budden, not all gals r trouble makers.

the real trouble-makers r those, i realize, who falls into 2 gps: the bossy ones and the 'little women'.

i guess little women is quite comprhensible. basically, they're so fragile dat they can't really do things rite. i'll juz gp mad working w them cos it's juz like picking up food w straws as chopsticks.

however, i still feel dat they r in any way better than the bossy ones, cos at least the straws can be made strong thru improvisation and training of usage.

bossy women r basically those who tink they're v capable. usually, these women believe in their instincts. and since instincts r super scientifically unreliable, they're always practicing double (or even triple, multiple) standards.

double standards also arises when u haf 2 or more women who tink they noe the grounds. and when they're all my superiors, i'll juz hafta b a multi-headed snake who hafta practice multiple standards to different women i/c.

and cos of their bossy nature, they strongly distrusts subordinates, those who work on the ground. u noe, the ppl who can really reflect to u truly abt the probs dat arises rite at the bottom where the work is running.

instead, they trust their instincts and multiple standards, and esp their self-infatuated egos and disregards their subordinates' feedback. only when their 'gd fren' comes ard and make a casual comment then they turn back to their subordinates and start preaching them on precautions and 'correct pocedures' they shd follow, feedback the subordinates haf long brought up.

i guess any gals who reads dis will protest in the 1st time they read this, cos it's their self-infatuated ego who refuse to c their own weakness. i can tell u firmly dat guys' rxns will b different. they mite not haf agreed readily, but they will b assimilating feedbacks at the back of their heads b4 they make any comments at will.

which is y most senior executives' positions r held by men; and those women who r there do not act like women at all.

bless me...

2005-07-07T00:06:00.000+08:00

论《格抖天王》

就如其他的戏剧、电影一样，我的焦点常和一般人不同；别人看卫英崎和段宇乔，我看的是大反派段研浩。。。原因很简单，哪个似乎是我的倒影，哪个就是我的最爱。

他渴望父爱，他觉得在家里受到委屈。他认为有些事，有些人都对他有偏见。他所做的一切：争夺企业，打压段宇乔，就是为了得到心理的平衡，对父亲的示威。很多人都很肤浅地对他的所做所为感到愤怒，但只有我能深切地体会出他心中的呐喊。

他渴望友情，他渴望爱情，却只能眼睁睁看着他憎恨的段宇乔两者兼得。他是羡慕，他是嫉妒，他是多么地无可奈何。他喜欢的田小葵，却始终痴恋着卫英崎。他软硬兼施却徒劳无功。他的用心，他的痴心，他的深情却只能当作替代品，激将工具，一靠岸就丢弃的浮木。

对一个极度渴望有人关爱的人，那是多么残忍的讥笑、惩罚、背叛。

唯一觉得他愚蠢的是当他那么用心地游说田小葵接受他的心不果后，竟用恐吓和威胁来逼迫她和他结婚。我想小葵之前若真有对他有那么一点点的改观，那么一点点的接受也都完全被磨灭。

但倘若剧情真如他所计划般的进行：卫英崎为了‘赎出’小葵而陷入陷阱卖身给他，并与死党段宇乔做生死对决，那我也对他的谋略以及对人的心理的透视也十分佩服。毕竟若无法成为人人都喜欢的好人，就得成为聪明的坏人来弥补心里的空洞。这就是我人生的宗旨。

当我费尽心思地为别人着想，对别人仁慈却不得要领，那就是时候采取主动拿回我应该得到的东西。要不然吃亏的永远是自己。。。

2005-06-13T10:32:00.000+08:00

Prep for NZ

yup, i'm going NZ dis sat evening. frens r welcome to jio me out b4 dat b4 i go off, tho i'd prefer to sleep at home (to make up for the overnite flight). will post the flight details later for keen frens to buy 4d/toto etc, most imptly to look out for any #%&^*&* in the news.

aniwaes, prep for the trip was v irritating. it was unlike the previous trips, partly cos we'll b going during winter time. which means we hafta prepare winter clothings and such, while having no knowledge abt dat.

so, my sis became in-charge, u noe, like typical bossy women (hmmm... a bit redundant; all women r bossy aniwaes). and considering how unreliable info from women can be (they tink they noe, they tink wat they'd heard is true, they tink their instincts r superb...), i find it v hard to accept her instructions.

so conflicts arose.

somehow, they haf been overly worried. for me, it'll b juz to get the necessary stuff. no use worrying abt losing the baggage or wat. cos if it's gonna go missing, it's gonna go missing and there's nothing we can do abt it.

and take for packing stuff for eg. i decided to use my adidas bag, which i've used for yrs and noe how much stuff it can take. but my sis's instinct told her it wun b enuf & she kept bugging me to switch bags. u noe, i'm a rational scientist (a.k.a Man), and i believe dat the bag will onli b deemed unusable until it has been PROVED unusable. the fact is: i haven't even start packing.

so i told her: wait till i pack then c! if cannot, we still haf so many travel bags in the hse wat!

c? dat's the essence. we haf so many bags in the hse (given by travel agents from previous trips), so dat means we haf back up. so y worry? we shd b worrying abt wt, not qty. wat's the use when u haf an ultra big bag and u can't even lift it off the ground? wat's the use of bringing everything for the 'juz in case' and end up paying xtra cos the things exceed 20kg??

women tink they're particular, and i agree. they're juz particular at the wrong stuff, the stuff dat dun matter... (okok... the stuff does matters, but they're insignificant, dat's all...)

2005-06-12T22:19:00.000+08:00

Bought 3 Albums

yup, china versions, so din quite feel the pinch. they were: penny's ai feng le, guang liang's tong hua and virgin's wei jing ren lai le. as u can c, wei jing ren lai le is a compilation w 45 songs, which was VERY worth it.

i liked penny's album best, followed by virgin's cd, cos it had songs from jiang mei qi and elva (as an added surprise, stanley's songs were superb!!!) and lastly guang liang.

it wasn't dat i disliked guang liang's album, but listening to an album of ballads can b quite boring. the 2 zhu da were gd, but the remaining faded into background. perhaps they mite impress me later, but definitely not for now.

the virgin's compilation was super worth it, despite containing a lot of songs (from oblivious singers) dat were boring. main thing was dat most of my jiang mei qi's fav were 'legitimized', having replaced mp3 dat were d/l from inet w those ripped from the cd. same w elva, but hers were mostly dance tracks.

surprise was stanley's songs, which attracted me. however, i saw dat he only wrote most of the lyrics, and most of the melody and arrangement was done by other ppl. but, nvm. another surprise was No Name, w only 1.5 tracks. his ai qing dai lai de gai bian was great (1st time i heard his song). his voice was v unique and attractive. his other track was as a background vocal for vicki zhao's jian jian (gradually), which was another magnificent track too. it scored 5/5 for me. i like the arrangement and all. someday, i'll buy her album, which was rather critically acclaimed too.

there were disappointments too. there was classic qiu tian bie lai, but the other songs from hou xiang ting's later albums were VERY disappointing. the ballads were not juz plain, but super boring and meaningless. no wonder my impression of her stayed at qiu tian bie lai. ppl like dai ai ling (huh? only came across her song once in shi qi sui de tian kong OST) and huo jing lun r doomed to oblivion, MAINLY cos of their boring songs and lousy singing personality (not saying they sang badly hor...)

other than dat, ben duo ru ru, chen yu xin, and mo shu dai's PINK le yuan were refreshing tracks. not v great (most r translated from eng songs), but ben duo ru ru's mei li xin qing (melody by zhong dao mei xue!!!) and pink le yuan r strongly recommended.

lastly, classics from sandy lam. yup, she's not my idol, but i like her songs. there r also rene liu's songs too, fen kai lu xing and some cheena song (latter not rec...)

finally, penny's album. tho i can't say i like 100% of her album, some songs stood out. i esp liked amen. her rendition was superb and the arrangement was touching. tho i couldn't make out the words totally, i was touched by juz listening to her sing. and her song 79 89 99, was sth abt growing up. v wo xin, esp when she came to the part '79... 89... 99'. i mean, i din feel anything when i read the title, but when she sang those numbers, the significance became clear to me... in juz 3 numbers, she summarized the essence of growing up. got it? for me, i'll b singing 83... 93... 2003... ) btw, she sang the numbers in eng, not in chi (qi shi jiu, ba shi jiu, jiu shi jiu...)

ta-da! so here is my Review. hope it entice u guys... hehe... the cds r up for sale at $5 per album (definitely lower than my buying price...). i bot the cds w the mindset of 'renting' the albums. d/l good quality mp3 from the inet is v bad and difficult (nowadays), so, i tot paying for the tracks is quite reasonable (excl the fact dat buying // imports is also illegal... but not as illegal as p2p d/l). i haf no intention of keeping them (no space lah!!!), so mite as well sell them to get cash for 'renting' new albums.

so peeps, $5 per album!!!

2005-06-12T13:18:00.000+08:00

Pearl Harbor Re-view

spent an afternoon re-watching one of my fav movies: Pearl Harbor, by Ben Affleck (according to the VCD covers and the print on the vcds). it's amazing how this drug addict can star a whole film by himself, which includes the bombing scene where 1177 sailors went down in the ships.

electrons an b in 2 places at the same time, ben affleck can b in 1177 places at once!

aniwaes, i'm not up here to suan the film, cos, this is after all my fav film. the degree of my admiration for my film and how ppl can't fathom y i like it is juz like ppl loving Titanic and me wondering y they like it.

u noe, 情人眼里出西施

even after so many yrs, i still like it v much, except dat now dat i'm viewing it, i realize wat ppl hate abt the show.

the lines and plot is cheesy. it was like: the show was going at a normal place w ppl tokking normally and suddenly, someone pops a 'classic' line dat is so poetic + philosophical. hmmm.. but i'm a corny person myself, so dat explains my liking.

i like josh hartnett. yup, he's dashing. i wonder y he's not made the lead. i wonder y the kate beckinsale din like him earlier. i wonder y his name was not on the vcd cover. in all ways, he outshone ben affleck, but he's not given the limelight.

or maybe.

his role suit him v well. really. i can't imagine ben affleck starring danny. it juz suit the idea/justifes dat kate's 2nd lover is MUCH more dashing/pleasant to the eyes than her 1st. the film juz can't seem to b any better otherwise. okok... ben affleck juz dun fit in anywhere; it's his fault dat the show is flawed. duh!

even after so many yrs, i still cry at the scene where josh hartnett died. it was cheesy, yes, but v touching. ben affleck was telling josh dat he muz pull thru, cos he's gonna b a father. josh replies: no, u r.

so simple, yet it contains so much details. will u tell this to ur buddy when u die in the battlefield? hark! most prob, most guys will tell their buddies to back off. best die w them! like this no worry...

also made me rethink abt war.

i hate it. i wun want to b in it. i noe i v chao keng in army, but dat was cos i tink it's a waste of talent (ME!!!) during peacetime. still, when time comes (war, not clearing up toxic waste, marching along orchard rd/airport w my sar21...), i'd b there. cos i noe i'd still die, so y not die the 'glorious/patriotic' way? die of a better cause than 'bombed to death while shitting in toilet' aka liang popo's husband...

but still, war is bad. s'pore shd come up w a super weapon such dat we can fire a missile to the aggressor and annihilate their population straight away w/o us going into war. detering war wat. we deter by eliminating the aggressor wat...

and then the topic abt 'buddy's wife'. is it alright to start a relationship w ur buddy's wife after he had passed on? it can b immoral, cos 朋友妻不可欺. but literally, i wun b 'bullying' the wife wat. in fact, juz taking care of her wat.

but i noe, the real meaning was: dun touch ur fren's wife. however, if 'someone else is gonna b w her, y not the best fren'. after all, who can b more trusted than a buddy? she really has to b taken care of wat...

perhaps it all boils down to how narrow-minded the dead buddy was, yar?

haha... okok... nothing more to say, except dat Pearl Harbor rox. =)

2005-05-25T18:31:00.000+08:00

Cheeky Biology

ppl shd noe how i like to rattle on things i learned in cls and link them to unrelated stuff. hehe... here i am again. wat w the 2 modules dis sem being 90% similar. hee... bio brings me back to those old days in 3i where our cls of hum sup teenagers will start bullying mr shamsudin, our bio teacher, esp when he reaches the topic of sxl reproductn. haha... even tho yrs haf passed & i'm all alone in clsses, the genes of 3i is still inside me.

aniwaes, here r some bio terms which i find v suggestive. hoho... i guess onli ppl as dirty-minded as me will find it farnie bah...

Gene Gun
it's is an apparatus used by scientist to introduce foreign DNA into a host DNA in genetic engineering, by shooting the required gene into the host. no wonder most genetic scientists r male. ermz... in fact, maebe all males can b classified as genetic scientists, cos they possess and manipulate a gene gun of their own. yar???

aniwaes, a lesson learnt from the above. u guys shd understand dat the genes from the gene gun has to b mixed w gold pellets in order for the gene to penetrate the cell membrane (otherwise call jing zi??). dis is y gals muz insist on using condoms when they're 'exchanging genetic materials' (also known as translocation) w their bfs. well, if the guy dumps her, she can still benefit from extracting the gold pellets from the genetic materials left behind by her lover. =P

Nucleotide Bases
all living organisms' DNA is made up of juz 4 chemical bases, which r known by the 1st letters of their chemical names, namely B, C, K, N. scientists haf juz found dat a particular mutant strain is coded by this sequence: KNNBCCB and is known as motherfarkers. this is not a strain anywhere gd to mankind, but it is quite prevalent in the society aniwaes.

7 Criterias of Being A Living Being
namely, Order & organization, Energy use, Maintenance of internal conisistency, Motility, Response to environment. Evolution and Ability to reproduce

Virus
it is made up of a protein shell containing genetic materials. scientists haf only recently concluded (there has been confusion over the exact classification) dat it shd b a non-living organism cos it lacked the ability to reproduce within its own species; they haf to inject their genetic material into a host cell and 'hitch a ride' on the reproducing mechanism of the cell.

now... dun dis act of injecting genetic materials remind us of men? (see Gene Gun) so dis make all guys non-living cos we act like viruses, doesn't it? yup... and to tink dat some virus takes the form of a screw-like structure =P oh no... y haf i led myself to such a degrading statement of my species. ehh... but if this is true, doesn't this logic makes women bacteria? no wonder they smell like they're fermenting sometimes (and they like guys to call them Mei2 Nü3...)

okok... getting irrelevant liaoz. perhaps shd stop here and maebe add on in the future bah (juz like the (empty) promises i made of some of the precious posts). hee... aniwaes, late liaoz. tmr got test. buaiz... =)

2005-05-13T17:09:00.000+08:00

Attributes to Becoming The Most Irritating Person Alive (extended play)

Man are what they think. That's why the most irritating person has the following beliefs:

lau kok: an old man within a deceivingly young sheep's clothing...

in layman's terms: they r ur peers; they r my peers, but they tink they're our fathers and mothers. they look down on us and kept finding fault w us for being immature and childish. but the drastic fact was dat, they dun realize dat they r nowhere more mature than us. how do u define maturity? by acting like some big fuck? or speaking as tho u haf a billion dollar deals in ur hands? boy, there's no such thing as maturity.

lau kok kok: an old man within an non-deceivingly old sheep's clothing

in layman's terms: they r ur elders; they r my elders, in fact, they r so elderly, they seemed to b trapped in their olden times. all the tok abt 'i'm older than u, so u muz listen to me' shit tok dat only deserved to be treated equally by poruing a bucket of watery stool (a.k.a SHIT) over him. no boy, it's the age of reason, not logic. u can b logical, but wrong, so no one bothers to listen to u. u can b reasonable, but wrong, but everyone noes it's worth pausing to hear u out. age != wisdom. some ppl live a life of folly and neva realize they r on the wrong track.

dick-head: actually, they shd b called boobs-head, or pussy-head, cos dat's wat's all inside their dirty head.

in layman's terms: nid i say more? they're so despo, they treat their gfs like sex machines and if they dun haf one, they resume their geylang VIP membership.

gas field: they r the main producers of the smelly gasses in the air...

in layman's terms: they produce the world's most deadliest poison gas by juz opening their mouth. anybody within the range of 10m will die immediately from convulsions and excessive haemorrhage. 10m-100m, ppl will suffer from serious internal injuries. >100m, ppl will feel discomfort and suffer from complications later in their lives.

Pigs, Rats & Cockroaches: basically, they take the form of every little bit of the descriptions mentioned so far. they're not the King of Irritants, but they r definitely Master of one.

in layman's terms: they 1st made their appearance on The Other Side of The Fence by attempting to assissinate Almighty me. then they took centre stage by expanding their obnoxious influence in the life of his Eminence. their presence is by and large in zenövia! and looks set to stay. they dun dress well, which is a form of discourtesy to the ppl who sees them (who can run from an eyesore 100m away??) and they dun take care of their personal hygiene. haiz... they seemed like the things dat escaped from Pandora's Box...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Au naturel: "Man are born the way Mother Nature wants us to be, so we have to keep it that way."

In layman's term: This group of people don't do anything to improve themselves. This includes not spraying something on when they know (at least from testiments from their closed ones) they carry a distinct (but revolting) smell. Worse still, they must make their appearance in crowded MRTs.

Leader: This kind of people loves to take the centre stage and believes they are here to lead.

In layman's term: They like to be at the centre of passageways ahead of the crowd of people, eg. alighting MRTs. However, they move at 10m/min and isn't as slim as Patricia Mok. So, people are hindered by their 'leadership' and yet could not take over the position.

Spiritual Leader: A variation of the leader, also loves to take the centre stage but instead of leading, they want people to stop and marvel at their air-made form (hence 'spirit'). They also tend to congregate as a group of 10+ yr old human forms (and usually female).

In layman's term: Sunday. Downtown shopping mall. People mountain people sea. The mountain and the sea moving up the escalator. The spiritual leader stops at the top of the escalator, sometimes to search for something in handbag, to decide which path to take, or simply, to stone. yeah... At this time, there will be a 22-man pile-up at the bottom of the escalator.

Au Naturel Spirit: A mix between the Au Naturel and Spiritual Leader. They believe that they are not seen by other people, so they don't need to do anything to improve their natural forms.

In layman's term: Fashion Disaster.

Silent Whisperer: There is a belief that the world cannot hear them... If possible, they will want to carry a loudspeaker with them.

In layman's term: MRT. 3 ah bengs start conversing. hmmm... they are very polite. They keep asking for each other's mothers. The whole world then starts to know that they are from a dragon boat team, how many girls they've shagged, a biology crash course on the anatomy of woman, the history of their ancestor's lineage aka zu zong shi ba dai, and of course, their mothers' names, whose initials happen to be the same: CCB.

Au Naturel Whisperer: Also a mix, of Au Naturel and Whisperer. They believe nothing man-made should be done to their mouths, which they like to 'exercise'.

In layman's term: You are at the PC terminal in the library. A herd of PRCs begins to congregate and, typical of Whisperers, broadcast their private lives. Besides soundwaves, they also start to propogate waves of gut-wrenching, blood-draining and stars-spinning pungent smell. You then start to appreciate the meaning of 'Heaven'.

Spiritual Whisperer: The definition of 'spiritual' here is different from above. The term is used in terms of the mind. As usual, this group likes to propogate ideas, spiritual ideas.

In layman's term: Sunday. Orchard Road. Some smart wearing, smiling asses (btw, asses always smile, just tilt your head) walk up to you and all you hear is: GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD. And you thought farting was supposed to sound like "POOOT!!!" or some variations of that. However, the Spiritual Whisperer may not be asses, but takes the form of friends/classmates etc. Still, they also make the sound of GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD. You also start to wonder if they were left out of the wheel of evolution.

Ice-Breaker: This is a belief of self as the unstoppable ice-breaker.

In layman's term: Rush hour. MRT station. The train pulls in. You wait obediently at the side of the door. The packed train begins to unload. But Ice-Breaker, the unpenetrable Ice Breaker stays firm in the middle of the doorway. He fights through the incoming wave of human obstacles, pushing them apart, trampling them under him, and secures a space on the train. If the train is not packed, the Ice-Breaker's sensitive radar and built in agility will immediately direct him to the nearest possible seat. With the speed of light, he settles into the seat and switches off until he arrives at his stop.

One-Way Man: Life is a single-trip fare

In layman's term: Man arrives at unfamiliar place. He decides to make himself comfortable at home and changed the surroundings to suit his preference. when he leaves, he also decides to let his legacy remains. i mean, come on! if the change is reversible, will it hurt to put a stuff back in its place or revert it back to its original form so dat other ppl can also use it?

Because I might come up with more attributes later, I've left this post open-ended. Readers are welcome to chap ji kar.

2005-04-27T09:18:00.000+08:00

Response: "Why My Heart Does Not Beat For China edited 28th Apr

Mr Siew Kum Hong, in his article, "Why My Heart Does Not Beat For China" explained his take on being a Singaporean and his stand on China's issues wth regards to the recent anti-Japanese hysteria. I must say I was in total agreement after reading it.

*of cos agree, ah-budden?? if not, write for wat?*

It was true that any feelings with regards to the Japanese actions will not be 'for China', but for Singapore's own dignity and, to a larger extent, as a human being *for* the genocidal atrocities.

*stupid typo. it shd be 'against genocidal atrocities'. now... i'm no hitler, k?*

However, there is one minor point in his article I would like to note: he called himself a Chinese Singaporean. To me, I have always called myself a Singaporean Chinese, because I am a Singaporean of chinese ethnicity, and not the other way. As an analogy, consider the difference between American Chinese and Chinese American.

*we r called SBCs -- S'porean Born Chinese lol*

Despite many criticisms and complains from out of Singapore and from within, I have firmly felt that this is the place I belong. Having grown into this 'rojak' society, I listen to chinese pop songs, converse in English, joke with malay friends and curse in Hokkien. *how else to curse if not in hokkien??* This might seem 'improper' to non-Singaporeans, but this is my culture.

*ie, those 'proper' Englishmen and Cheenapoks: SHUT ur crap up*

I once studied in a secondary which recruited many students of chinese nationales and PRs from China. I have heard them making personal insults regarding local students and one of them, who was my classmate actually chided me for 'betraying China' because I told her I'm not a Chinese, but Singaporean Chinese. I had retorted out of indignance then, by asking why her family migrated to Singapore.

*guess who dat gal is? the onli ah tiong in 2F*

I also took Higher Chinese during my JC days and mixed around with some Singaporeans who were (definitely) more passionate for the chinese culture than I am. They had always insisted that we should look back to China because that is where we came from.

*for ppl like zw, it's xin zhi du ming who i refering to bah...*

I was amazed and told them that despite having descended from grandparents of chinese origin, I have my roots here, regardless of whether my grandparents came here of their own accord or unwillingly due to circumstances. If being 'filial and respectful' to my grandparents is one virtue I must hold, then I cannot not abandon the fact that they came here to build a homeland secure and safe for me *cue kit chan's Home*. Singapore went through difficult times and it was through these adversities that we gained our identity as Singaporeans.

*ok... the 1st part is fako. i neva told them anything liddat. but i hafta come up w some contents in this entry lol but given the chance, i would haf told them wat i felt in the 2nd pt*'

It is here that I would like to assure Mr Siew that we are not wrong to disown any claim that we are 'Chinese only'. We have not abandoned our ancestor's roots; it is just that ours are 'newly grown'. By calling ourselves Singaporeans, we did not let our forefathers down, for this is what they had meant for us.

*politically correctness taking its toll on me...*

True, we must not forget our chinese culture. In fact, the culture, despite 'thwarted, changed and mixed', has been a part of my everyday life. Unfortunately, culture and nationalism are two different things. When I do not even comprehend the sentiments, current affairs and modern culture of another country, how am I going to claim 'loyalty' to it?

*ie, balls to u, PRCs!*

afterword (opp of foreword lah...)

hey peeps, as loyal blogreaders mite haf guessed, i haf tried to send in a letter to the papers, today (double pun!!). haha... juz nid to ventilate, and for the chance dat they mite publish. if they publish stuff like: EZ-Link charged me more $$ today again leh..., y dun they publish mine leh??

yup, so to increase the chances of my letter getting picked, i chose Today (too many times to ST, they mite remember my name) & used a different e-mail acct (juz in case the editors of Today and ST r the same) & tried to b as politically correct as i can (school which recruited many students of chinese nationales == the sch, w the idiotic tham tuck meng who go carrying the balls of PRCs like we s'poreans v desperate liddat, who recruited spit-inducing, hokkien expletives-inspiring cheenapoks).

hehe... so wat r the chances of me getting picked? u get to vote:

1) well done! they'll recruit u as a freelance reporter!

2) ermz... it depends on the will of GOD & whether the editor (or his wife) is a PRC or not

3) go print the letter on flyers & slot it under the doors of HDB dwellers under the big title: Read and WIN!!!. maebe someone will use it to contain their dog's poo

ppl, the number to vote is 1900-112 6888. As a reward to ur effort to vote, emil chau will speak to u =)

after afterword

woohoo... my last attempt to make my BIG NAME appear in the local papers haf finally been rewarded. the words in lighter shades were absent from the article, save some changes in grammatical errors.

yup, after i found my letter, i told myself dat i shd b satisfied now dat i haf achieved a short term goal. i was like: hmmm... now wat?? budden, it turned out i was greedy & sent another letter in response to the other responses alongside mine. i DOUBT this will make it , cos they wld b in no interest to pursue the topic, esp w views from the same person. lol

2005-04-25T10:22:00.000+08:00

"Stress" from EG1109

stress is the force per unit area, which can b ext or internal. there r 3 kinds of stresses, axial stress, shear stress & torsional stress. they can exist independently or in combinations.

axial stress r directed along the ends of the material, which causes deformation along the length. in layman terms: lengthen or shorten.

shear stress r directed across the width of the material, which usually cause bending. shear stress is the most commonly applied force to break things apar.

torsional stress is caused by torque & results in twisting. wat is amazing is dat the centre of the material remains untwisted.

some materials can withstand the stress applied onto them, some can't. it has partly got to do w the nature of the materials, partly to do w the way they r constructed.

take a solid column for example. the same amt of material can b made bigger and stronger, by making them into shells. strong, but empty on the inside.

however, the walls can't b made too thin also, else the column will lose rigidity.

stress, wat haf u made of it??

p/s: juz in case u r wondering ytf u r reading such a bland post, try to uncover the other meaning, in each & every para. yup... din mean to insult ur intelligence... surely i dun nid to translate the whole thing bah?? =P

2005-04-20T23:27:00.000+08:00

Vegetable Commemeration Day

stupid. 2 wks liaoz and i can't complete the discussion section of the e-beam exp. asked so many ppl and all of them act blur, dun reply me. ermz... my social skill sux or wat?? or they really dunno too? decided to give up the 5-6% in the e-beam. perhaps the discussion is worth 7% (the experiment itself was too easy), but... wat can i do? i'm totally clueless.

aniwaes, so here i am... blogging 'Live' from CL (again). yup, dunno y so many ppl, using the pc. hehe... beside me is the monk of nus. okok... i dun really noe wat he is.. maebe llama, but ermz... was caught staring at him, so had to smile back. =P

was tinking back in the canteen, dat someone has been missing from my hate list all this while. yup, the Vegetarian. no... it has got nothing to do w the monk. juz dat some weirdo (i saw him yesterday, and cos he acted strangely, nicknamed him 'weirdo') was eating food from the vege stall.

for ur info, vegetarians are those cruel ppl who eat the poor, lovable vegetables, sometimes ALIVE... slowly crunching them to bits while they were still breathing. frying them, cutting them, peeling them, immersing them, with open wounds, into acidic sauces. like rubbing salt into wounds. ouch!

these ppl r cruel torturers. at least most animals were given a quick death before they were subjected to the various cooking methods. however, it is almost certain dat the vege were still alive (tho nt kicking) when they were harvested. poor vege!

in view of the Rape of Vegetables, i declare 20th April the Vegetable Commemeration Day of zenövia!. during the day, we as Vege Lovers shall devote our time to cursing the intimidators, cursing them to a vicious cycle, a vicious kharma of being various kinds of vegetables in each of their lifetime, until they haf taken a role in all kinds of vege. Cabbage Bless You!

remember, eat at least 2 servings of fruit and vege a day. best take them RAW.

p/s: haha... i'm getting crazy. aniwaes, juz realized dat my frequent visit to the canteen early in the morning has made me become a VIP of sorts. some sort. okok... was buying kopi juz now and the uncle greeted me. he said he remembered me, cos i gave him short yesterday. i was so confused (was rather embarrassed at trying to pay him w all 5c coins) and dinno wat to do. the uncle was kind to accept all the 5c coins i gave him, and even returned the 10c to me and told me to use 5c lol

then at the yong tau foo... now i begin to noe y the uncle always gif me the 'WTF' look. haha... imagine u r him, u somehow remember this guy. he seemed to haf ordered beehoon w soup yesterday. then he ordered beehoon dry today. and he ordered beehon w soup tmr... sometimes no beehon at all. this person quite weird... and he dun articulate properly. early morning like zombie. duh!

then i recall the survey i did yesterday. i dunno if i was mean or rude. made some bad comments on some tutors, like my statics tutor who acts like mr chow: an attitude dat puts me off ie very kp. haha... but i gave my phy tutor v gd remarks, co she was v gd. hehe...

ok... end of p/s. buaiz!

2005-04-15T12:01:00.000+08:00

Romancing vs S'poreans

yup... finally gotto noe wat the hype is abt c****n. if not, fred will start laughing at me again to say i v mountain tortoise. hmmm... aniwaes, shan't elaborate on wat actually happened, but wanna say wat i felt.

the whole affair was v romantic,but not the after shocks. read dat der gal in qn went to complain and the lecturer gana warning letter. then nus took out the video. 3 events, 3 reasons y s'poreans haf low birthrates.

let's start from the warning letter. y shd the lecturer b given a warning? (despite the fact dat i found his face v intimidating, i still believe he's a gd guy) all he did was to do a favour. and lecturers do many other things out of context of the lect to catch the students' attn. tok abt being creative. after all, it wasn't as if he stripped himself and did some obscene/immoral stuff.

maebe fish leong shd b given a warning letter also.

and then nus took out the video. ok... perhaps it's still reasonable, cos the server was flooded. but it was still spoilsport of them. the webcast was NOT a porn, so y get so worked up? and like some ppl said, such expressions of love always happens in lect, juz dat the particular one got caught on video.

they shd haf cancelled fish leong's concert. she gave so much hype abt it some more...

and abt the falling birthrates, can ppl now guess y? we r deprived of such romancing. and when some brave (but reckless, though) guy did something, he was immediately condemned. and the gal reacted in such disgraceful ways. now, who dares to do romantic stuff to ppl again??

and they shd haf banned fish leong from entering our borders. she was promoting promiscuity, taking love and marriage lightly in shallow ballads and and using it to promote her concert.

and lastly, the gal. the MAIN reason y birthrates r down. okok... 1st, it's so typical of s'poreans. i dunno 4 the guys, but it's usually the oh-so-hi-&-royal gals who turned out to be such spoilsports. s'poreans... when they find something they dun like, they blame the whole world but themselves. so human... and they like to blame the authorities too.

which was y she complained. but i dun tink the 'stressed out' reason was valid enuf. come one lah, it doesn't mean u stress u can do everything u like. the lecturer was onli doing a favor, the guy was doing wat all male species haf been doing from earth's creation for the survival of humankind.

if such stuff were to happen in US, and if they dun like the guy, most prob the gals will: 1) punch the guy in the face and ask him to scram 2) tell him str8 dat she dun like him. end of story. no hard feelings. unless she gana pestered by the guy, she can ask for court order. but most prob matters will end after the rejection.

perhaps s'poreans r lazier. they complain. the one-stop soln to all probs.

and considering how pompous most gals in s'pore r and how they carry themselves w so much wt (yup, lite physically, heavy inside), no wonder guys r turned off. yup... some may still lust after some 'pretty babes', but no guy would like to walk a dog dat bites along orchard rd.

and yup, may b male chauvinistic. maebe anti-feminism. but hey, it's juz our rxn. for those devout feminists, u can go w/o men for all u like, but there r women (and men alike) who yearns for someone whom they can live w for the rest of the life. and sometimes, it has gotta do w the packaging.

gals dun act sexy, how will guys catch sight of u? guys dun act like an idiot, how will gals haf feelings (disgust lah...) for them in the 1st place? gals like flowers, so guy gives them. guys r egoistic, so gal listens to boasting.

stereotypes... they're integrated into the society and basically essential.

back to my topic, her act, and the chain of events r typical disgraceful acts of s'pore. they dun accept humiliation and embarrassment gracefully, and always try to get the last word. and kiasuism wins... yup... it's always gd to b safe. can't b reputed for starting a 1st st protest in s'pore, when u're oredi up in the ranks of top 18 rite??

hmmm... we shd start to boycott fish leong's albums.

DOWN W ROMANTICISM!!

2005-04-12T09:20:00.000+08:00

Silent Library

amazingly, it's 9.30am in CL and the computer terminals r esp peaceful. ie, no hawks eyeing at ppl to finish their stuff faster. so i took the liberty to blog again, under the possibility of being caught (w no consequences, of cos) using the pc for personal stuff.

well, it's a matter of dd and ss... =P

aniwaes, shall eleborate on some things... dat i couldn't do for the past few days.

rem the day when i saw a lot of old frens? it was like, i onli mentioned 4 and i said it's a lot. haha... aniwaes, i missed out aiping, which was a case of hi-bye. she sure looked busy tho, i suppose preparing for her honours bah... y so pia??

and then saw this gal in the canteen juz now. hmm... i muz say i haf a SUPER soft spot for gals who dun look so ok. no... i dun mean gals who look like ruhua or xu chun mei... but gals who r so plain and orh-bit + orh-biang.

remembered one time in sec sch when i saw this woman in bm kfc. she looked like abigail, except dat abigail wasn't on tv dat time. so it was either abigail lookalike or abigail-b4-tv. aniwaes, this woman looked so frugal and was digging her purse to find changes. dunno leh... this scene juz seem so _______ (couldn't tink of appropriate adj) and it was lodged in my head till now.

ok... a little on the gal. she was super plain, 'dolly-hair' (wa-wa tou), be-spectacled and the dress sense was rather retro... in the orh-bit way lah. so, she was having yong tau foo w lots of soup... which, i dunno how, she spilled over her dress.

ouch! so heart wrenching.

i mean, i feel (i put myself in other ppl's shoes, but i dun feel for others. i put myself in other's shoes and feel wat I feel according to my set of rules) loser-ly to b her. life will b bleak... and then some xia-suay stuff muz happen. it's like 'Plain Gal's Series of Unfortunate Events'. aiyah... i juz felt bad lah.

(tink along this line...) ppl feel heart wrenching seeing needy ppl suffering. i feel the same, for such ppl. the fact dat i can make this analogy is cos i feel the same in both cases, and this is juz a sidetrack. lol

dwell a bit more, cos i dun tink i expressed myself enuf, but... also dun tink i can elaborate even more. okok... i suppose there's this fear in me dat i'll become some plain (ugly) guy w a sad life. in addition to my present loser-ly life. so... the presence of some ppl in the vicinity was scary. i'm afraid to look at a possibility of myself turning dat way.

i wanted to use the word 'nightmare', tho i dun tink it was appropriate. aniwaes, tok abt nightmare... dat nite, i 4got to put my amulet under my pillow and i had another nightmare. thriller this time.

someone was murdered and then i returned to the morgue (it wasn't an 'official' morgue, but it was the place where the body was left) at nite (so thriller'ly rite?). and yar... i 'realized' who the killer was... and she was rite outside the door. in the moment of panic, i woke up. haiz... couldn't sleep 4 half an hr...

haha... dat's all. more ppl coming in. hafta go chope my seat liaoz. =P

2005-04-08T00:33:00.000+08:00

Wondering: When Mind Goes Wild

let's start from fann wong. dat nite (shd b mon), i dreamt of her. she was a promoter in a shopping mall and was shouting into the mic. i went to her, said some guai lan words and she challenged me to sing in public. one thing led to another and i seemed to haf held a mini concert lol

too bad, nice things MUZ end. aniwaes, the weird thing is: i bot ST dat next morning and found fann wong in the news... washing hair for ppl. haha... now i noe y there was a guy sitting in front of her in my dream.

well, i went to tbp dat day. 4got y. shd be whiling my time away bah. aniwaes, on the bus back, there was a stupid boy behind me who kept jerking. as in, doing some sudden act and shaking the back of my seat. after he alighted (w tugs and pulls from his mum), i saw his face. he din look dat bright. no... the pt was not me looking down on him. no...

i started wondering: wat if my children turned out dat way? maybe not intelligently challenged, but defiant? slow? too clever for me? under my expectations? how do i cope w dat? can i gif him wat he deserves? wat am i SUPPPOSED to gif? if i dun gif enuf for him to reach his potential, am i doing him wrong? wat if i gave him too much? of the wrong stuff??

my mind flew to africa... wat if my children turned out to b everything i hoped to be? the best... because they would b so gd, so up to my expectations, wat if i fall in love w them and start to harbour incestous tots? wat if i really went beyond emotional care? will they hate me? will my wife hate me?

it's really scary to haf children.

then, during genes and soc lect, i wondered again: how i wish i had persisted in my dream to become a doc. i could become a bioengineer also. i could CLONE myself, w/o my wife noeing... i'll tell her it was IVF. i wondered how it would b like to c myself grow up. will i turn out to b the way i turned out to b? is nurture more impt than nature? imagine ppl seeing my baby clone and remark: hey! he looked so... much like u... in fact, he is looked totally like u when u were a baby!!

then i would snigger and tink: of cos! he's MY CLONE.

by then, i want to see if there's a god who will punish me like those stupid ethicists, religionists were saying.

still... im in engin fac.

perhaps i will build the world's longest bridge from s'pore mainland to batam. perhaps i will build the tallest builing in the model of hc's old logo. the 4 arrows will point to m'sia (2 for them), indonesia and china. on it i will mount missiles capable of reaching 5000km. i will secretly build a nuclear bomb. and when any of them bullies us, i'll nuke them and tell them to shut their ass up. perhaps i'll pin some prc scholars on the missile for them too. free deportation.

budden, i'm in engin fac.

then i was wondering... wat if zoe tay were to b widowed? tmr? will dat hit the headlines? for 3 days? 7 days? 49? or 3 yrs to see if she really stayed celibate for phillip? hmmm... if she were really to b widowed, it would b a crash of a s'pore dream... and propaganda of cos.

imagine: she was a gd icon of 'haf a baby' campaign. woman at her ht of career giving birth! and MCS still keeping her. and wat? her husband's a hi-flyer in.. guess wat? SAF! wow!!! so gd to marry a soldier, cos will gif her a gd life.

if she's widowed, everything will change. she wun haf comfortable life w her husband supporting her (as if she nids it). her child will b w/o complete family. ppl will start to tink: gif birth to so many babies for wat? later my other half die how? how to rear the kids??

perhaps then, the authorities will empahisize on the GRAND compensation for civil servants.

but WAT IF... he died while not on duty? =P dat his death dun warrant any compensation? he died in his home?? imagine him lying lifeless and his son beside him waddling in his blood.

hmmm...

i tink i need some rest. my mind stranded in antartica...

2005-04-04T23:03:00.000+08:00

十七岁的雨季

不知道为什么，只要一提到年纪，那些歌词、电影、小说大多都会写“四十”或“十七”。《十七岁的雨季》、《十七岁的天空》，就连《后来》里也提到“那年的十七岁”。

要说“四十”是生命的转捩点，所以值得大作文章也蛮合理的。但是为什么青少年的时光都是以“十七”为主呢？青春不时从十二开始吗？十八不是很多地方的法定年龄吗？怎么偏偏是“十七”？

真奇怪。

小时候听到《十七岁的雨季》时不知道为什么要唱“十七”。但是现在忽然想起，我也有难忘的十七，那大起大落，既甜蜜又苦涩的恋恋十七。

难道“十八”、“二十一”真的不重要，因为每一个人最难忘的青春年华都在十七？也因此才会有那么多人借次表达心声？

很笨的是：新加坡整年都在下雨，而我的十七那年的雨季也足足过了一整年。三百六十五天的快乐与悲伤，我该如何记录？只怕那些宝贵的记忆已随着流水渐渐逝去。我紧紧抓住的是什么？

我希望手中握的不是一堆空有的回忆。

那些我认为是当时的默契，那些仍然留在心里的感动。。。但愿它不是我的幻觉而已。

i can't see!!!

2005-03-24T11:31:00.000+08:00

Human Behaviour

it's bullshit to say that human beings r self-centred creatures. to me, they're the most out-reaching/looking creatures. instead of blaming themselves for mistakes, they knew instinctively the reason has to b something external, something remotely (un)related to them.

take good friday, which is tmr, for eg. shucks! it has to b on a friday. it HAS to happen this day/wk. cos of the anticipation of the hol, i've given myself a whole wk of break (perhaps, after the wkend, it shall extend 1 more wk). this is the same w the hari raya and cny... hello??? y do we need public holidays? they make ppl UNPRODUCTIVE.

haiz...

perhaps it's something else. the timetable planners of engin fac, yr 1 gp D sux. they planned it such dat the heaviest days r mons & fridays, of which 3 fris gana kapok by 3 public hols. hello??? haf they not checked the calendar? and they left the middle of the wk mostly empty. shit man... they learned newton's law and they dunno zenöv's law:

mondays r blue and fridays rock. ie, leave those 2 days alone so dat it will feel like an extended wkend. stuff everything on wed, cos it's where the peak of the mood/work curve is.

okok... maybe the timetable planners aren't to blame. well, they hafta balance the workload of the lecturers and 1600 freshmen. maybe it's the govt. who ask them to set the hols? as a body infatuated w results and efficiency, y in the world did they decide to haf public holidays??

oh noo... they'd say it was to satisfy the needs of various religions and races. damn! (shh... not so loud, later gana protest and they draw on my door) so they r the ultimate culprits?! y muz the darkness b driven away? y winter go away? y muz jesus die and resuscitate (or rejuvenate, or reboot, wateva)? y muz buddha become buddha? y dun national day fall on wkends only? most pref sat, cos mon will b made up for a hol dat falls on sun.

most imptly, they r not related to me. y muz i b made to enjoy their hols?

stupid. cos of the hols, it's making me feel so lethargic. i dun feel like studying. i skipped 2 days of lessons oredi (yesterday and today, which is wed & thurs, which is the lighter days, which is equiv to 6 hrs of lessons... not dat bad...). i dun feel like revising or practising qns.

curse the holidays. curse the timetable planners. curse the govt. curse the origin of holidays.

remember:

i am wat i am not cos of wat i am.

2005-03-22T12:38:00.000+08:00

zenöv's Law of Happiness (幸福论)

zenöv's 1st Law of Happiness states that happiness can neither be created nor destroyed.

zenöv's 2nd Law of Happiness states that happiness flows from a region of higher concentration to a region of lower concentration.

If you don't feel happy, you should mix around with people with higher rating of happiness. Similarly, when you are with people whose level of happiness is lower than you, you will gradually be drained of your happiness.

Therefore, zenöv's Universal (3rd) Law of Happiness states that happiness is sinful (幸福 == sinful).

You derive your happiness by draining it from people happier than you. At the same time, you will be so afraid of losing your happiness that you will avoid people who are in the lower gradient of happiness.

zenöv's Theory of Relativity of Happiness

zenöv's Law of Happiness breaks down under certain conditions, that is, when people finds another partner. The love of 2 people will create a depression in space-time where happiness will tend to be attracted to it. In other words, happiness can defy gradient law under the influence of love.

The greater the love, the greater the depression (note the pun), and thus the love will act more and more like a black hole. Happiness will not escape from such a configuration. People who passes through the event horizon of 2 love birds will find their happiness totally drained, despite the fact that the black hole has absorbed so much happiness that their happiness gradient is astronomical.

Therefore, zenöv's Relativity of Happiness states that lovers may seem to be in a state of happiness from observers relative to their inertial frame, but they are actually in a state of depression (emotionally and in terms of space-time) and they survive by absorbing happiness from the observers.

Similarly, when the black hole (love) breaks down, the amount of happiness they stored will explode like a supernova. In this case, people around it will benefit from the happiness that explodes from a failed relationship. Amazingly, the effect of the burst of happiness is so great that people who are not in the vicinity, or who don't even know the couple will still absorb some of the happiness when he hears of such news.

Only one law from zenöv's Law of Happiness holds true in the Relativity of Happiness, that is the Universal Law of Happiness:

幸福 == Sinful

2005-03-20T23:02:00.000+08:00

《爱和付出》

这几个周末都在家里陪姐姐看《天国的嫁衣》。很笨的情节，但还是有深刻的爱情故事，所才会一直跟着追下去。

我崇拜程海诺的那种不问付出的爱情，还有为陶艾青和陆子浩的那种经常擦肩而过，没有搞清状况就责怪对方而产生误会的爱情感到遗憾。两者之间，说真的，我还是比较喜欢程海诺的付出。

他不知道自己是否真的能够不要求艾青爱回他，但他真的希望能够在她开心的时候、伤心流泪的时候，在她有困难的时候陪在她身边。就算付出的爱情得不到正比的回报，他在付出的过程中已得到不少的欢乐。他知道，爱一个人已经是件很快乐的事了。

所以，陶艾青最后没有选择他，实在件是非常遗憾的事。

恋爱总是幸福的。至少还有人去爱，还有人来爱。生命也不会有一个说不明白的空缺。

也许已经错过了太多，所以不会觉得太惋惜。反而是因为没有把握好机会去疼爱一个人，所以才会更奢望、更期待。

看着看着，心中不时会把自己投入在那种擦身而过的剧情。然后会突然觉得：说不定那时真的是场误会，是我的误解、我的没有去弄清状况。是的，很多事，有可能就像戏里的冲突一样，因为当时太过感情用事而没有去聆听对方的心里话。

就是这样，很多的缘分就此错过了。

我当时是否太过不理智，所以没有用心珍惜相处的美好时光？因为就算缘分短暂，也应该在有限的时间里享受每一刻。

我没有。

那一次冲动后，我没有好好地弥补。虽然隔天有再见到对方，有对他示好，但是却因为他的冷漠以对而畏缩了，之后不敢再表示歉意。

感情搁久了，会变淡。误会放久了，会变成永远也抹不掉的污渍。

时间，它做不到什么。

无法漂白也无发让人痊愈。

我还以为把事情都给淡忘了，却突然发现记忆的某个深处还是紧紧地抓住那分思念，纵然很多相处的回忆都已模糊了。

思念着一段模糊的记忆，还真的蛮辛苦的。秉着那分心酸的感觉，却找不到根据，真悲哀！

眷恋，是很容易就上引的。迷恋更是如此。

我到底在等什么？我在奢望什么？我究竟在为什么而哀悼？

怎么办？我抽离不了。

"I can't see!"

2005-03-09T10:20:00.000+08:00

Terrorkids

The topic of kids haf spring up ard me recently, juz like the topic of slimming. heard dat everywhere. and met them everywhere, and their presence also meant an 'upgrade' of readiness level. =P

1st, i haf 4 classifications of homo sapiens. toddlers/babies, kids, adults and old ppl. i see them as 4 distinct gps, 4 distinct objects. ie, kids r all of the same size, shape and behaviour to me, except perhaps the boy and gal version. and this particular gp is VERY dangerous to have in my vicinity...

they would dart towards my direction at the speed of light, teeth gnashing, and slam rite into my crotch. ARRGGGHHHH... dat's y i'm unhappy abt my ht. but aniwaes, this isn't anywhere near erotic nor paedophilic. man... i am not even concerned abt my 'descendants'. PAIN PAIN PAIN is all over my mind.

it happened quite often during a period of time s.t i became rather wary of their presence. whenever a kid appears in the vicinity, i keep a lookout for heads heading into my direction, my hands ready to whack any incoming like a baseball bat would. nevermind if ur kids will b hurt, perhaps this will knock some sense into them abt dashing abt everywhere.

yup, these r one of the reasons which i hate children, one dat is not innate. ie, my main distaste for them is juz dat i dun like them. they're noisy and apocalyptic. i dunno y i click w most of them, but even then, they're still not my cup of tea. no thanx to children.

so, in the future, i hope to adopt teenagers instead. or, i'll gif birth to them, and since parents-in-laws love kids (my mother, unfortunately, is like me, click w kids but dun like them ard the hse...), i'd gladly give them the custody for the 1st 10+ yrs. until they're less kiddish, dat is.

ok... here's part 2 of the entry, 3 days after the 1st draft. haha... came back home on mon evening, cos i missed home. aniwaes, i did the silliest of silliest things, esp after i did it for 2 times in the past mth: i 4got to bring my home keys along andno one's at home.

so i had to linger abt somewhere. dun really like the kopitiam at my hse, so really had to find some place, and i settled at the playground. hmmm... it was 6pm.

so, it seemed dat after i sat down, the childcare centre beside the playground started to let the kids off. so most of them were like running abt, screaming, while i tried hard to 'focus' on my magazine. not bad huh? at least i was sitting down, so i'm rather 'protected'...

aniwaes, there came this ah pek w a baby stroller (and a baby in it, of cos). sat down beside me and tried to humour it. my... i was beginning to suspect dat my fatness cause me to see things in round. aniwaes, decided the baby was too fat for its age. haiz...

budden, i started to play w it, for a while, b4 the ah pek strolled it away. haiz... wat did i do sia?

aniwaes, juz b4 i went home, (the crowd had dispersed oredi...) there was this guy w his gal. aiyoh... the guy looked so 'desirable' lor, wat a waste. y r ppl nowadays marrying so early, in their prime and not fooling their days away? we r so obedient to govt man...

aniwaes, dat's all for the rambling. food for tots...

2005-03-03T08:28:00.000+08:00

the AGENDA

i believe the govt has an agenda, and it's against me. somehow, i knew it.

when i was young, i hated Edusave, cos i dun haf it. y? i'm the FOURTH child. back in the 80s, it was a sin to haf even a 3rd child, not say 4th. so, w/o edusave, a lot of xtra expenses had to come out from our pockets. i told fred and co abt how stressed i was whenever we had to go sch outings cos i had to ask my parents to pay for the trips' fees. and he replied, 'huh? when did we ever haf to pay for such stuff?' yup, for someone who has edusave, he dun haf to worry.

i haf to. and my parents were most irritated at having to fork out money, esp when paying for me to go to places like: zoo... 'juz stay at home cannot meh? no nid spend money!' remember: my parents live in the olden china, and a 50 cent coin is as big as the wheels n the 5-tonner. i muz go thru the gruelling b4 i can finally go haf fun w my frens.

and the other xtra lessons i missed. well, cos i haf no Edusave to pay for it, i dun even noe wat i'd missed. muz b a lot, cos it was like a few hundreds of dollars -- no one can spend them on outings alone... yar... the computer lessons i had in rv. while ppl pay thru Edusave, i had to beg my parents for it.

'wat? learn wat? wat is computer? can eat one anot? cannot then dun come ask for money!'

i hated school.

and i was told dat it was good to study in SAP schools. cos we're the top 10% and we'll haf bright future. well, the govt sieved out the top 10%, but they actually wanted only the top 5% (or maybe, they can onli afford to sustain). the rest were given the hopes and thrown aside. we're left struggling. we're replaced by PRC scholars who pushed us down to top 20% (still high enuf to get into uni... lowest among the highest, not so bad, yar?). and we're told now to accept our fate. we hafta ACCEPT them, welcome them w open arms. how can i? when my dreams of getting a scholarship to overseas was dashed?

i finally got the 1st sum of $ the govt had ever given me in my entire life in direct cash, & in goodwill, last mth. and in last fri's budget, PM/FM said dat was the last lot of ERS and there's no intention of such Ang Baos this yr. the least i could get was a top up in medisave (yeah... i scoured thru the whole newspaper and even went to finance ministry to get a copy of the report to make sure). oh... unseen cash. how can i b happy? i can onli enjoy it when i'm sick -- when i will not b in a state to enjoy it. so much for ur kind heartedness. so much for being an inclusive govt.

now i realized dat i hafta be rite at the top to get pampered by the authorities, or b rite at the bottom to gain some sympathies from charitable gps. i finally noe the meaning of 'sandwich classes'. i'm in a new cls of my own. not the mid-30s-stuck-w-families sandwich, but the unsuccessful top students who can't fit into the ah beng societies also. i'll b the lackey of the top management to 'pressurize' the grouchy subordinates. this is how bright my future holds.

22/02/2005

2005-02-21T09:22:00.000+08:00

Hormonal Imbalance Wk

aniwaes, was abt to post a series of entries after a day of rotting in my rm yest. yar... now i noe how socrates and platos came to be. they muz hate to study too!

so, my topic for this entry is:

the Happiness of those in Happiness

sound CHIM rite? yar... so chim i oso dunno how to write. juz felt v grouchy at this theme. well, i realized dat it was really hard to find fault in myself as opposed to finding fault in others. even tho i noe i possess such bad pts, it's really hard to digest it. i guess it's the same for others yar?

aniwaes, there r ppl in the world who possess the idea dat no one is in a more dire situation than they r.

*** pause to tink: perhaps everybody has dat belief too, yar... by putting myself in a pathetic state, i'm guaranteed to garner some sympathy and attn, rite? ***

u will hear ppl trying to compare how cham they r rather than how happy they r. if someone says 'i haf lessons from 8am to 1400', i will tink 'oh yar? 6 hrs in sch, but w 2 hrs break rite? how abt 8 am to 1600, non-stop and cross faculty from engin to SoC?' when someone said 'i hate my dad' and i will tink 'yar, i hate mine too, till the time he died. how much guilt do u tink this weighs?'

frankly speaking, there's no end to comparing how bad a situation u r in. perhaps we shd compare how happy we r... suppose THEN, u'll realize how good u (we) r...

FAMILY: all present? haf a common topic? speaks more than 10 sentences a wk? watches TV together? eats together? does ur parents gif u allowance (at all)? do u ever haf the chance to repent and make up for ur family?

FRENS: how many meet up once a wk? once a mth? once a sem? once a yr? which of ur frens changed their timetable for u (courtesy quote from xueli...)? which of those willing to pick up something u propose they learn despite having zero interest/knowledge in it? which of those dun try to tell u they r in a worse position when u r down and lamenting abt ur life?

CAREER/STUDIES: straight As? Cap pts? r u in top 1% or top 99%? (come on! i'm happy dat NUS dun expel me)

LIVING: shopping every wk? movies? CDs? travelling? how much more do u want?

RELATIONSHIP: ok... here's a sore pt. i HATE to mention this. so... all those in relationship, STOP LAMENTING how ur other one sux, cos at least u haf one. be GRATEFUL. ok... i can still take some lamenting. after all, i'm quite an expert at giving advice, BUT u r NOT to exult in ur happiness, esp in front of me. DUN TELL ME HOW BLISSFUL u feel. i'm not interested. dun blame me if ur other one appears in HEADlines the next day, head onli.

dat's all. and since the library is getting more crowded, i mite not b able to post subsequent entries. aniwaes, hope this msg can stimulate some thinking yar...

2005-01-26T09:00:00.000+08:00

I Haf Sth Against Unqualified Undergrads

went for my managerial econs lect. then there were few gals behind me kep tokking as tho it's nobody's business thruout the whole lect. the lecturer (personally, i dun like him, cos he's v lazy and irresponsible, yar...) had to stop them explicitly a few times. and the worst case scenario happened (worst case, not dramatics).

while walking out of the lt, the gals were like commenting on the lecturer. there were 3 of them, and 1 was a stupid lian who tinks she's too good for everyone (a v typical case) and was saying things like, "i dun like him at all. if it wasn't dat i haf to wait for my father to drive here to fetch me, i wouldn't even haf come into the lt..." i mean, it's v hard to describe her 'ugliness', but given dat kind of situation, any sensible person who heard it will b irked. ppl like me, who altho dun like the lecturer too, finds her disgusting.

which brings me to another pt: no way i'm going to find a gf or life partner like her! and the dark fact sets in dat there r plenty of gals like her, not juz in nus, but in tghe world. gals whom i haf known from rv to hc whom i find not dat disgusting r really a rare kind. so i grew up in dat environment where gals r v refined and sensible, less vain, less lian and more brains. which makes me wonder again how in the world did such ppl enter nus? perhaps it's time for uni to focus on ethical and personal attributes, rather than to simply absorb anybody who fit the bill academically (or athletically, for sure) juz to fill the quota set by the government. yup... wat's the use of having 25% of the cohort as graduates when 20% r hooligans? wat? they wanna cultivate liu mang yi sheng? no way man!

2005-01-16T11:45:00.000+08:00

Living On The Fence

was popped a qn last nite... no... not the BIG qn... man... there's no one who loves me still. but a peculiar qn, related to the essence behind the name of my blog(name, cos the content no longer and cannot reflect the spirit anymore). aniwaes, when a situation comes up, it begins to spring up everywhere in life.

came home today, it was the usual route back home. at punggol interchange, same thing happens as w everyday, every moment in the bus interchange. altho punggol is quite small, there r 2 buses which go from the interchange and ply thru the whole populated neighbourhood. 83 to sengkang, 3 to pasir ris. at peak hrs, there's an additional bus 84 which takes the same route round the neighbourhood and back. they all stop at the same berth in the bus terminal.

so everyday, everytime, when ppl come up from punggol mrt, they will hover around the berth but not queue up. no one really noes which bus will come first, and no one wants to take the wrong queue. so they either join the queue when the bus comes, or they cut queue at the door of the bus.

well, turn the scenario to stockbuying. no one noes which is the better stock to buy, so they wait around for further news and confirmation. until the obvious comes around then they start to trade.

any difference? well, in the latter, it's really better to wait if u're unsure. after all, it's thousands to millions we r tokking abt. however, will it kill to juz join a queue? if u join the rite one, u can 'legitimately' board the bus first, the reward for taking the 'risk'. otherwise, u'll either end up at the back of the rite queue or u can choose to cut queue and endure the stares of some. in fact, those who joined the rite queue will almost always board the bus b4 the cutqueueers, cos of the 'stares' we gif.

the moral of the story? if u have nothing to lose, y not take the chance? in the context of 'nothing to lose' means u either not gain anything, or lose little, or u get the same as the others who do not take the risk when 'u lose'. since there's nothing to lose, all the more the sense of achievement for the gain. there may not b a lot of ppl taking the bus, so it mite not matter whether u board the bus first. but there MAY be a bus-load (or maybe 2 bus-loads) of ppl, which makes the risk worth taking. and in my case, it's WORTH taking. cos 99% of the ppl prefer to b fence-sitters, i always take the front of the queue. good if i'm in the rite one. and ok if i'm in the wrong. cos i dun mind stares, i always cut queues, and being the first at the line beside the correct queue gives me an edge when it comes to cutting queues.

yup, so comes the spirit of the blog. there r so many fence-sitters. it's not abt being able to juz look over the fence (juz as my char do, aniwaes, i din continue the story... which will say wat they'll do ultimately...), the best part is to put urself on the other side of the fence. i mean, the fence can b high, like in zenövia!, and perceptions from the fence may b distorted.

still, being a fence-sitter is definitely better than those who do not even want to find out wat's on the other side of the fence (and they're the majority). in my bus terminal case, there r no ppl who do dat, cos everybody at the interchange HAS no choice. and the fault w them is dat having faced w no choice, they still don't make one. back to the other townsfolks, they r spiritually dead, cos they have no desire to explore new frontiers, be it finding an alternative way to a destination or juz laughing out loud in a quiet lect. cos other townsfolk r indifferent to the outside world, to the new road built from the city, everybody prefers to continue life as it as, till the pt of incurring the wrath of zenöv the Great.

hmm... dat's all. aniwaes, in view of the possible chance dat i wun continue the story, the other side of the fence is the world out of my daily emotions. one side leads to the rational mind (left brain, the city) and the other (not yet mentioned, the dark age conquerors) to my sensuality. like me, zenövia! the town lies smack in the middle, the crossing of 2 streams. b4 the dark ages, the town was always in a dillema of going with which flow, and since thereafter, has become unmoved to both forces, dead to the outside world.

2005-01-09T01:54:00.000+08:00

How Mature Is Mature??

had a chat w xueli (aka pear) on msn on thurs nite. cos the gang went to haf a farewell dinner for peipei the evening b4. she told me they were tokking abt me in my absence... they concluded i've become more mature.

i wun say i'm offended, but i juz dun like the conclusion dat i'm 'more mature'. 3 ways to look at it. 1) i'm MORE mature? 2) why now? 3) i dun wan to b mature! or at least on the outside.

i mean, i've always wanted to NOT act mature on the outside. juz in case ppl dun realize, i dun like to show mature-ness. no matter how serious things get, 1) treat it calmy 2) no need to act mature to show how deep u treat the problem 3) there's always a way to solve problems in a lighter note.

the problem is: a lot of ppl, and i suppose onli s'poreans, be it in army or out of army, likes to act mature. ppl like to show they r serious, so they r capable. the fault of it lies w: being mature doesn't mean capable of solving probs. i've always solved things in my immature ways, and i usually succeed. (dun snigger when i use 'usually'. HOW MANY TIMES do 'mature' ppl succeed?) so... i dun even believe dat ACTING mature equates problem solving.

which solves the 1st 2 qns above. the last is sorta a personal fetish. i've always like to take ppl by surprise, all the more when u conceal ur real powers and let ppl 跌破眼镜. all the more i dun wan to let ppl feel i'm mature. the less they feel, the less they guard against me and the more i can take advantage of ppl. ie 扮猪吃老虎. and pertaining to the principle above, i wanna b a living example of wat it means to solve problems immaturely.

and btw, i was rather affected dat nite. which added on to my frustration at the comment. now, no...

2004-12-20T03:14:00.000+08:00

The Luck of Minesweeper

Been wanting to write something abt this for quite some time, but always end up not in the mood. well, it seems that today's a gd day to discuss on predicting the day's luck w microsft's game minesweeper.

hmmm... basicaly, the game juz gives an overall view on ur luck while playing it. how to say? u can say dat the luck shown in the game may well reflect on ur overall luck in the next few hrs/days, or u can say dat all ur day's luckiness/unluckiness has been spent on the game, so the opp will turn out in ur coming days. hee... well, it's all a matter of perspective.

1st, let's comment on the 1st box that u open. if it's a 1 (and only 1 box opens), it means that ur luck is so-so... or rather, it dun tell much. on the other hand, the higher the number, the greater ur luck. y? the number is the number of bombs in the surrounding squares, and the max is 8. if u opened a box dat says 8, it means ALL the surrounding boxes are bombs, and aren't u lucky to open THAT box dat dun contain a bomb? get it? get it?

next, ur 1st box may open up a not juz a single numerical box, but a series of squares w numbers and spaces. well, in terms of the objective of the game, this result is good, cos it'll mean less sweat for the remaining of the game. in terms of luck prediction, the more number of squares u open up in a single click, the better luck lah.

in the worse scenarios, ur 1st box is the bomb. well, i dunno how many squares there r in the board (neva bothered to count), but there r 99 bombs in the advanced level. so.... juz do some simple prob calcuation and u'll noe how suay u r lor... 99/total number of squares in the board.

now, we shall come to a series of clicks. i mean, the game is not juz abt the 1st click, and neither can luck b seen w juz dat click. ok?

let's start w opening up the surrounding squares of the 1st single box dat u haf opened. a 1 in that box suggests a more reliable reading -- it'll mean there will b only 1 bomb in the neighbouring squares. so... wat's the chance of opening up a bomb? 1 out of 8. wat does it suggest if the 1st box u click is the bomb? either: u're very lucky to get the 1 out of 8 (go buy 4-D!!!) or dat u're juz damn suay to trigger the bomb. once again, it's a matter of perspective. now, if the 1st square is 6, wat is the chance of getting a bomb? 6/8. haha... so... u shd b able to come up w a conclusion...

there's another way to tell how suay u r, also in terms of the games objective. this is also the case where the 1st box is 1... in fact, the whole series of boxes is 1. rem i said dat one of the greatest relief of the game is to open up an area of spaces and numbers? well, imagine u keep clicking the surrounding squares of every subsequent boxes u clicked, w/o opening up an area of spaces... well, how would u feel? rotten? why would i say the case will most prob got to do w 1? cos ppl will usually dare to click on the surrounding squares if the box is 1... cos the prob of clicking u bomb is the lowest... so imagine keep clicking and only open up a series of single box of 1, how would u feel? lucky? cos u din open up the bomb? or lousy? cos u din open up an area of spaces?

the previous observation can determine how unlucky u can get. this method signals a gd deal of luckiness. generally, ppl start playing by clicking randomly on various parts of the board, regardless of what number is in the 1st box (this game is also a time-based challenge, sometimes, there's no time to stop and ponder... juz act on instinct...). so... imagine u dat each click opens up an area op spaces... which bodes well in the game, how lucky will u feel?

then 1 last situation i want to touch on relates to frustration and maybe a belief of fatalism in play.... imagine all is well, u r advancing thru the game and in fact, more than halfway thru the game. then 3 of the following zek ark scenarios come up. 1) u finger slipped and u clicked on a box u do not intend to open. if u're lucky, it's not a bomb. if it is, well, dat's all 4 dat round... how unlucky can u get? 2) u r in a bottleneck. u haf opened up all squares dat u r confident dat there is no bombs... now... wat to do? u haf to click randomly on one of the unopened squares and hope dat it's not a bomb and dat it gives u enough clues to the surrounding squares... 3) u also come to a bottle neck, but this time, the risk is more specific. (this scenario is VERY common...) let's say u haf 2 unopened, adjacent squares and all the clues from the surrounding squares tell u dat only 1 of the 2 squares has a bomb... dat's all. u dun haf enough clues to pinpoint dat 1 bomb in 2 squares. to make matters worse, those were the LAST 2 squares to winning... haha... so much for the description... u can see how lucky/unlucky u can get... wat's w the fatalism? when u haf experienced success and close to winning, and then u click a bomb and all efforts go to waste. now... wun u feel dat some omnipotent being (fate, god, ghosts... wateva...) is playing on u? get it? get it?

so... even tho i tot this game can reveal somewhat on the Luck of the Day, a lot still depends on how u interpret them. well, for me, i choose to interpret them the way it will tell me how 旺 my day will be... =P

2004-11-22T01:53:00.000+08:00

The Wrong Side of The Fence

I'm travelling on the wrong side of the road, just as i'm living on the wrong side of the fence, trapped in my own world. i want to see the world, i want to touch the lives outside the fence, i want to be part of this world that i belong to... can i?

perhaps i shd b like Vincent Freeman and strive to get out of the world he doesn't belong to. "Perhaps it was the love of the planets, perhaps it was the loathe of this one, but from as far as i could remember, i had dreamed of travelling into space."

there was the worry also "i had a hard time leaving this world that i had been working hard to escape from." am i ready to take the plunge? or am i just a loser waiting for a chance that will never come?

zenöv of zenövia! in the Central Library, NUS, Clementi, Singapore, SEA, Asia, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Universe.

2004-11-18T01:10:00.000+08:00

Make A Wish

i noe i'm selfish, but dat's me. this wish is quite lengthy, but it's the BIGGEST moment of my life, i'm legally an adult... and the wish to mark the event hafta haf a '10-yr vision' till the next impt stage of my life. kinda like resolution, Master Plan. anything... I'm sincere abt it and yup... i still believe in b'day wishes.

* * * ~ ~ ~ I WISH ~ ~ ~ * * *

I will have the money and results to go and pursue a degree in Aerospace Engineering in the United States by Fall 2005. Of course, it includes being able to get that degree by Spring 2008 and find a decent job straight after that while I live in the United States.

* * * ~ ~ ~ I WISH ~ ~ ~ * * *

2004-11-01T09:07:00.000+08:00

No Subject

本来是很想说些什么的，可是又说不出什么的。也许是天气转凉了吧，天空也灰灰的，人的心情也开始转向浪漫诗意的气息，是吗？就开始沉思，快乐的，不快乐的都涌出来了。今天，到底是什么原因让什么人感觉到什么样的感伤呢？

2004-10-25T06:41:00.000+08:00

WAZ LUV?

Well, guess usually when i start writing, i can't stop. juz stopped over at jan's & made some comments, which spurred me on on other stuff dat wun fit into her place (well, who'd want to haf a whole chunk of philosophy of others at their OWN places?)

我的爱

Considering i've been void of luv for the most part of my life, LOVE is a holy grail in zenövia!. I've discussed dat w my counsellor & we both agreed to it. Even tho i had been to something as close as dat (i suppose it WAS love, but well... there's always a benefit of doubt), such feelings haf faded since then (time DO heal... i tot it won't, considering how strong i felt), & i'm back to my universe void of love. it seemed dat my brain has preened such memories, cos i dun seem to remember lotsa things dat happened back then, all things of dat era. Now dat the turbulence is over, my heart is as calm as night.

我不爱

My father's demise was a landmark in my life, tho looking back at it, it din turn mylife ard as i tot. dat was the time when i felt so sorry abt my life, dat i had not shown concern for ppl who mattered most. even tho the angst of teen had subsided inside me, i din see the urge for reconciliation. wat's more, i had to cope w new environment & nurse a broken heart. as long as family's there, i haf all the time to make up. i was wrong & took the fact badly.

i admit i was filled w so much guilt & regret. Docs tell me to learn from my mistake & make up to whoever's still around, & i did. for abt a yr, i did so much things i din expect myself to do. i spent most of my free time at home, & even declared sundays as family day -- no frens. it went on till i had the chance to see a counsellor, when the whole affair was uncovered for thorough examination. it was then i suspect all dat i did was probably out of guilt & not love (i dun feel the same as i had). even tho she told me dat as long as it was concern dat i showered on the 'target party' (who dunno my real intention), it was ok, i couldn't accept how my heart was lying abt my actions. she told basically everybody was recovering from the loss & even superficial care was impt, i shdn't b bothered.

still, the fact was: i am incapable of loving. while some casanova claims love comes so easily, i can't accept the fact of falling in love w someone on the street, or to agree to 'have a go' w some strangers hoping to develop into 'BGR'. i mean, come on! i've heard so many ppl describing their loves & it doesn't seem to b like love. seemed like they were in a relationship for the sake of one. after watching those lovey-dovey shows like 《还珠格格》、《秋天的童话》, dun they even haf a teeny-weeny bit notion of wat pure love shd be? y is someone loving a guy who wooed her juz cos he saw her name on a 'penpal column' & fell in love w her on intuition? how on earth did she decide to go 'steady' w this guy who keep on claiming dat he's in love w her cos of dat reason? this is not LOVE! it's prostitution -- of love, of mind, of dignity. i stopped contacting her after dat & concluded dat the 'army's style' of getting some gals' numbers from frens & trying to jio them is something cheap & degrading. no... LOVE DOES NOT COME FROM THE STREET. i just can't love someone juz like dat.

爱的嫁纱

Love is not abt tokking. u gif voluntarily. & true to hearsay, u wun mind abt the returns. this is wat i saw in other ppl's love: all abt feeling nice to b together, but no notion of giving. they were so afraid dat it wun be worth it. but if u're really in love, such tots wun even cross ur mind! dat's y love is blind. ppl interpret it as "it explains y i love him: cos i juz love him". the above statement is true, but no, while u can love someone juz cos u love him, "love is blind" it's not an explanation. it's a description. (i wonder how ppl came to dat conclusion...). so dis is y most realationships fails: it feels nice to show the world u haf a stead. it's juz nice to 'chope' someone & thus feels secure dat u wun b lonely & pathetic 'like dat loner over there'. it juz proves i'm attractive. this is how sluts & buayas r born. they tarnish the face of LOVE.

SIDETRACK: dunno y, seemed to haf a feeling dat i've digressed from wat i intended to say, but i haf forgotten WAT i wanted to say...

aniwaes, the bottomline is i can't love. either it evades from me, or those parties dat ive criticised r correct.

maybe it's not dat i'm not capable. maybe the ppl i've met do not hold the rite set of keys. & it happened dat i need a very particular set.

爱自己

even tho i perceived dat i once loved myself more than to others, i begin to doubt dat now. no... i dun feel "LOVE" to myself. i haf no urge to shower myself w concerns by definition. yes, i eat when i feel like eating, i watch movies when i wanted, but this kind of self-pampering arises out of need, & the part of me who prompted me to give to the other part juz dun feel the kind of glee a lover would feel. of cos, the part of me who received the pampering feels great from dat, but who dun feel great at receiving attention. no... i pamper myself cos no one pampered me. i 'loved' myself cos no one 'loved' me. so the 'giver' in me acts superficially as i did to my family & the 'receiver' omitted the fact & bathed in the happiness of being loved. i can't even love myself.

i tried to tell myself dat the fated one will come, tho the chances of no-show stands quite high too. but it's still too early to tell. maybe someday i'd feel so lonely dat i'd degrade myself to 'love someone off the street'. i dunno. perhaps, by dat time, i'd haf understand the chemistry behind those prostitution-like love & b willingly give myself to dat kind of love. maybe i'll live 4eva in my pristine temple of love, waiting for the arrival of my messiah. maybe she'll come, but cos i'm not capable of loving, she'll lve for another. (if dat happens, well... wat to say abt someone so fickle abt love?)

爱是永恒 -- 永恒的等待。。。

no resonation on my 9V speakers, cos the playlist ended b4 i finished typing.

2004-10-19T14:31:00.000+08:00

Too Lonely or Too Afraid To Be Lonely?

From ST, Life, 18/10/2004

"IF THERE is one thing I've noticed about Singaporeans, it's that we never watch movies alone. In your average multiplex, movie-goers are always in twos, threes or more. Which is odd. For a leisure activity that requires virtually no social interaction (unless you're a raunchy teenager out with your first boyfriend or girlfriend), cinema-going in Singapore is very communal. Show me a person who wants to watch a movie alone, and I'll show you a film reviewer.

The same goes for eating out. People would rather eat at their desks, eat on the go, or eat toxic cup noodles than eat in a proper dining establishment alone. Unless you're a stranger from out of town, eating alone often means you're a loser who has no friends, a social misfit or just plain uncool."

hey, when i read the first para, i tot me and my likes were gonna get trashed in this article. but it turned out not, nor does it sound very flattering to me. but the 1st few paras really struck me. OUCH! this is wat i'd been doing all this while! i dinno i am a minority in s'pore. Out of my last 10 movies, onli 1 was not alone, and dat was w fred last mth, watched Garfield. Now, i do find myself quite a critic also.

then the part abt eating alone. when i came to the part, i was like, 'uh-oh... is she going to desctribe the whole of my life and proclaim them one by one to be a loser-s'porean one?'. thankfully she din, & neither did she give any better remarks.

hey, while i am eating alone, recent ref to today's lunch, there r quite some other ppl who r in the same plight as me, u noe. in fact, this afternoon, i was mocking at my loneliness. i told myself i shd go ask one of my old lecturers, esp my MA lect, who looks very outcasted & down-trodden, if he eats alone, & if his peers (other elderly lecturers) r in the same plight as him. cos i observed dat ppl who eats alone also looked like me... not an undergrad face, but a 操老 one. self-mockery.

wat else? i study alone. met weizhong in the library, but his frens came soon after & they were neglecting me as fast as Big Bang occured. then they went home as fast as light travelled from earth to mars. he's the closest person, the onli one i noe, in engin, in my tut gp, & this is how close we r. it's not far beyond imaginations abt the other enginians...

oh... i sleep alone. haha... a bit stupid, but i was telling huifen this morning abt my neighbours who haf gal frens staying overnite and "playing loud music". not dat i was having wild imaginations... (loud music was wat huifen told me xueli told her), but my cluster is very 'law-abiding' & they leave their doors ajar when there's a gal in the rm.

well, i GO to toilet... i hafta go... & i see free shows on my way. gals on all-fours over some limp boy... or 2 ppl squeezing on the bed. gosh! if they do well in studies, i admire their intelligence.

oh... and i go home/out alone. no more frens who live near me. no more ppl who haf time for me. even my family has no time for me, and me for them. i still sleep alone at home, watched discovery channel alone (cos they're not interested. my mum, who watched w me twice, asked me y they keep repeating the shows, when i knew she watched 2 different programmes, juz dat all happened to b abt the undersea world...).

well, the situation's better nowadays tho, cos i got to noe some ppl in my cls at least to say hi-bye. when sem juz started, i found myself only speaking 3 sentences a wk. wat could be worse? hmmm... so much for self-pity. time for NEXT article... short one tho...

resonating on my Fujitsu laptop: 《世界之最（你愿意）》 by 郑秀文